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Funny Clean Jocks


Teacher: OXFORD matlab kya hai?
Student: OX matlab bail, FORD matlab Gaadi. to OXFORD matlab bail gaadi


Teacher: raju, tum kis liye college aate ho?
Student: vidya ke khaatir
Teacher: toh ab so kyu rahe ho?
Student: aaj vidya nahi aayi hai sir


Pati: mere marne ke baad, kyaa tum doosri shaadi karogi?
Patni: nahi. main apni behan ki saath rahungi. aap?
Pati: main bhi tumhaare behan ke saath rahunga


Wife: suniye, hum is hafte poora cinema dekhenge, agle hafte poora shopping karenge. 
Husband: uske baad ke hafte poora mandir jaayenge 
Wife: kyu? 
Husband: bheek maangne ke liye 


Husband and Wife Hindi Jokes 
Wife: jab aap chashma utaarte ho, bahut handsome dikte ho. 
Husband: haa dear, jab main chashma utaarta hoo, tum bhi bahut khoobsoorat dikti ho 


Patni: dekhoji, hamaare shantabai ki pati, usko khush rakhne ke liye, har hafte movie pe le jaate hai. aap kyu nahi karte ho aise? 
Pati: arey, maine bhi shantabai ko movie ke liye bulaaya. lekin usne manaa kardi. isme meri kya galti hai? 


Patni: agar main mar jaaungi, to aap royenge kya? 
Pati: ab kya has rahaa hoo kya? 




Pati: aaj sunday hai aur aish karna. movie ke liye 3 ticket laayaa hoon. 
Patni: teen kyu? 
Pati: tumhe aur tumhaare maata pitaa ke liye. 


1st Man: shaadi ke baad main lakhpati ban gaya. 
2nd Man: use kyu itnaa udhaas bol rahe ho? 
1st Man: usse pehle mein crorepati tha 


Pati Patni Hindi Jokes 
Patni: swamiji ne kahaa ke swarg mein pati patni ko saath rehne nahi dete hai 
Pati: isiliye usae swarg kehete hai :-) 


Santa: bhaisaab, yahaa se mumbai kitna door hai? 
Vyakti: 400 km. 
Santa: baap re, mujhe aaj hi vaapas lautnaa hai. mumbai se yahaa tak kitnaa door hai? 


Santa: maine apni shaadi kaa aamantran patra bejaa thaa na? kyu nahi aaya? 
Banta: lekin mujhe koi patra nahi milaa 
Santa: arey yaar, maine usme likha thaa na. patra nahi milaa to bhi, zaroor aane ke liye!!! 


Examiner santa se: yeh kya hai? tumne khaali paper kyu diye ho? 
Santa: kyunki neatness ke liye 5 marks hai, isliye 


Santa: "impossible" shabd mere dictionary mein nahi hai 
Banta: arey yaar, ab bataake kyaa faayda. dictionary lete samay check karlenaa thaa na


 Santa: Tumhe kyu arrest kiya gayaa hai? 
banta: maine 50 rupaye ka chillar diya. isliye. 
santa: usme kya galti hai? 
banta: maine chillar mein do 25 rupaye ka note diyaa tha :-) 


Driver: Poora petrol khatam ho gayi hai. ab aage nahi bad sakte. 
Santa: teek hai, gaadi reverse lo aur ghar vaapas chalo 


Santa: agar electricity nahi hota to kya hota? 
Banta: raat mein candle light mein TV dekhna padta tha 


Santa: tumhaara beta bilkul tumhaara jaisa hi dikhtaa hai. Banta: dheere se bol... woh padosi ka beta hai 


Ramu: tum kaunsi soap use karte ho?Banta: Main Santa Soap, Santa Paste aur Santa Shampoo use karta hooRamu: wo kya international brand hai kya?Banta: nahi, santa mera room mate hai.

Hilarious Jokes in Hindi 
Public to Santa: us rowdy ke vajah se hum pareshaan hai. use haamare area se bhagaane ka koi tareeka bataao? 
Santa: aasaan hai, use election mein khadaa karke MLA banaa do. agle 5 saal tak woh tumhaare area ki taraf nahi aayega. 


Doctor: tum abhi 2 ganto main mar jaanewaale ho. kya tumhaara koi aakhri khwaaish hai? 
Patient: Haanji, ek achche doctor ko consult karna hai 


Doctor: aap dariye mat. main hoo na. 
Patient: aap rahenge. lekin main rahoonga kya? 


Doctor: operation ke baad ab sab teek hai. tum sab kuch sun sakte ho. 
Patient: aapne kuch bola kya?


Patient: doctor, mujhe 3 mahine se khaasi hai. 
Doctor: itne din kyu chup the? 
Patient: chup kaun tha doctor. main to khaas rahaa tha. 


Doctor: roz hotel mein khaane se hee aapko ulcer hui hai? 
Patient: to aaj se mein ghar ko parcel leke jaaunga 


Wife: doctor ji, mere pati neend mein baat karna shuru kardiye hai. kya karu? 
Doctor: din mein unko baat karne kaa mouka deejiye. 


Patient: Doctor, meri beti ko aajkal kuch sunaayi nahi deti hai 
Doctor: kya? tumhe 5 din se bukhaar hai aur tum abhi aa rahe ho! 


Doctor: dekhiye, yeh bimaari khaandaani hai. aapke daadaaji se shuru hui hai. 
Patient: bach gaya!!! tab aap yeh operation mere daadaaji ko hee keejiye. 


Doctor: aapke pati ko zyaada rest ki zaroorat hai. yeh sleeping tablets leejiye. 
Wife: unko yeh kab dena hai doctor? 
Doctor: yeh unke liye nahi, aapke liye hai :-) 


Doctor: sharaab peena haanikaarak hai. is vichaar main mujhe aapse baath karni hai. 
Patient: theek hai doctor. sham ko moonlight bar mein milenge. 


Patient: Doctor, kya aapko yakeen hai ke mujhe cancer hai. kyunki ek baar kisi doctor ne 
cancer ka ilaaj karte the aur patient TB se mar gaya. 
Doctor: gabraao nahi... agar main ilaaj karungaa to tum sirf cancer se hi maroge. 


Nurse: udhaas kyu baite ho sir? 
Doctor: dopahar jiska operation kiya tha, woh mar gaya. 
Nurse: arey woh to post mortem tha. 
Doctor: to main subah kiska post mortem kiyaa tha 


Doctor Patient Hindi Jokes 
Doctor: aapko isse pehle kabhi heart attack hua thaa kya? 
Patient: haa doctor, bichle baar jab aap bill diye the 


Paagal 1: main Taj Mahal ko kareedh loonga 
Paagal 2: main use abhi bhech nahi rahaa hoo 


Manager: hamaare bank mein hum aapko binaa interest ke loan denge. 
customer: arey, jab dena hai to thoda haste haste dona. agar dene mein interest nahi hai, to mat do 


Boy: kal maine tumhaare ghar gaya tha. lagta hai hamaari shaadi nahi hogi. 
girl: kyu? pappa se mile the kya? 
Boy: nahi, tumhaare behan se milaa tha 


Customer: yeh kya offer hai? TV liya to 10 kerchief free!!! 
Salesman: TV serials dekhne ke baad aapki aansoo ponchne ke liye 


suma: maa, raju ne mujhe kiss de diyaa 
maa: haan kya? rukho main poochti hoo. 
suma: nahi maa. tum poochoge to woh nahi degaa 


Ek kadvaa sach :-) 
Behan ki friend behan ho sakti hai, 
Bhai ka friend Bhai ho sakta hai, 
lekin wife ka friend wife nahi ban sakti 


Car chalaataa huaa Santa ko road mein "ACCIDENT ZONE" ka board dikhaa. isliye santa ne sochaa: 
"Yeh log accident zone mein kyu road banaate hai?" 


Autowaala: sorry sir, meter daalna bhool gaya. 
santa: problem nahi hai. main bhi apna purse bhool aaya. chodo 


Ramu: Sir, mere ghar mein TV chodke baaki sabki chori hogayi hai? 
Police: chor ne sirf TV kisliye chodaa hoga? 
Ramu: mujhe kya pataa sir? main us samay TV mein serial dekh rahaa thaa 


Maalik: arey, tune 500 saal puraani ghadi thod dee hai. 
naukar: bach gaya saab, main to samjha yeh nayaa hai 


Beggar: 10 rupaiya dedo saab. girlfriend ko phone karni hai. 
Saab ka girlfriend: dekho, bhikaari bhi apni girlfriend ko kitna pyar karta hai. 
Beggar: nahi memsaab, use pyar karne ke baad hee main bhikaari ban gayaa 


1st beggar: arey, tum kyu us cinema poster ko aise gur rahe ho?
2nd beggar: main hee is cinema ka producer hoo


Doctor: is dawaa ko ek hafte main poora karo aur baad main aake milo.
Patient: teek hai doctor
(ek hafte ke baad)
Doctor: dawaa khatam huaa kya?
Patient: nahi doctor.
Doctor: kyu nahi?
Patient: usme likhaa thaa ke, bottle ko hamesha bandh rakhe 


Patient: Doctor, yeh mera pehla operation hai. thoda dhyaan se karna.
Doctor: dara mat. yeh mera bhi pehla operation hai


Doctor: aap dariye mat. main hoo na.
Patient: wahi mera sabse bada dar hai doctor.



Husband: agar operation mein mujhe kuch hua to tum us doctor se hi shaadi kar lena. 
Wife: aise kyu bol rahe ho? 
Husband: usse badla lene ka doosra tareeka nahi hai. 

Wife: aji, koi peeche mere pair choo rahaa hai. 
Husband: peeche mud ke apna chehra dikha, woh choonaa bandh kar dega 

Wife: aapse milne doctorji aaye hai 
Husband: mujhe bukhaar hai. unhe kal aane ke liye bolo 

Husband: tum khaana bahut achchi banaati ho 
Wife: tum jitna bhi maska lagaao, khaana tumhe hee banaanaa padega 

School Jokes in Hindi 
Teacher: agar shabd pradooshan kam karna hai to kya karna hai? 
Student: hamaare kaan bandh kar leni hai. 

Teacher: varthamaan, bhoot aur bhavishyat kaal ke udhaaharan do 
Student: Madam, kal maine aapki beti ko dekha, aaj main usse pyar kar rahaa hoo aur kal usse shaadi karungaa.

Teacher Student School Hindi Jokes 
Principal: class ko der kyu pahunche? 
Student: sir, gaadi puncture ho gaya tha 
Principal: to tumhe bus mein aana tha 
Student: socha tha sir, lekin aapki beti sunti hi nahi ha 

Anpad baap: jaise bhi ho, 4 saal ka apna padaai pooraa kardiye. aage kya karoge?
Beta: ji, arrears naam ka ek course hai, use pooraa karna hai. 

Teacher: tumhaare aur harish ka answers ek jaise hai. woh kaise? 
Student: kyunki question ek hi tha na masterji, isliye :-) 

Teacher: Tumhaara Maa kaa naam kya hai? 
LKG student: Mummy 

Teacher: 5 mark lekar bhi tum has kyu rahe ho? 
Student: main yeh soch raha hoo ke woh 5 marks kaise mila :-) 

Teacher: agar aise hee padte rahoge, zindagi mein kuch nahi banoge. 
Student: jab zindagi mein kuch nahi banunga, tab main bhi ek teacher ban jaaunga sir. 

Teacher: jisko kaan sunaayi nahi deta hai, aap use kya bulaate hai? 
Santa: kuch bhi bulaa sakte hai. kyunki use sunaayi nahi detaa hai na. 

Teacher: duniya ke sabse puraana praani kaunsi hai? 
Student: zebra hai sir 
Teacher: kaise: 
Student: kyunki, woh black and white hai na 

Teacher: tumhaara homework kyu tumhaare pitaa ke handwriting main hai? 
Student: maine unka pen use kiyaa thaa sir 

Teacher: bachcho, agar man se praarthanaa kare to bhagwan aapki kwaaish poora karenge. 
Student: woh sab jhoot hai sir. 
Teacher: kyu? 
Student: agar woh sach hota to, ab tak aap doosre school chale jaate 



Teacher: Akbar kaun tha? 
Student: pata nahi sir. 
Teacher: padaai ke taraf dyaan do, pataa chalegaa 
Student: Aap battayiye. Suresh kaun hai? 
Teacher: pata nahi. 
Student: apni beti ki taraf dyaan dijiye, pata chalega.

Santa apne bete ko: is baar agar exam mein fail huaa, to mujhe pitaji mat bulaana. 
kuch din ke baad, 
Santa: result ka kya hua? 
Santa ka beta: sorry santa 

Santa aur banta ko 500 ka ek note milaa. 
Santa: hum ise 50-50 karlenge 
Banta: baaki 400 kaa kya karoge?

Santa: kahaa gayaa thaa yaar? 
Banta: girlfriend ke saath movie dekhne 
Santa: kitna kharchaa huaa? 
Banta: 500 Rs 
Santa: itnaa huaa kya? 
Banta: kya karu? uske paas itnaa hee thaa yaar 

Santa: kelaa kitna hai? 
Dukaanwala: 1 Rupay 
Santa: 60 paise mein doge kya? 
Dukaanwala: itne me to sirf kele kaa chilkaa hi milegaa 
Santa: to 40 paise leke sirf kelaa dedo 

Santa: padosi se hatouda maang leke aanaa zara 
Banta: maangaa thaa, lekin nahi diye 
Santa: log bahut laalchi bangaye hai. chalo, hamaara hatouda leke aao jaldi 

Santa: police ne tumhe kyu arrest kiya? 
Banta: maine purse se paise nikhaal ke kharchaa kar diyaa thaa 
Santa: baap re!! is liye bhi arrest karte hai kya? 
Banta: purse kisi aur kaa thaa yaar 

Funniest Hindi Jokes 
Santa: mera beta meri baat sunta hi nahi hai 
Banta: kyu? itna gamandi hai kya? 
Santa: nahi. woh behara hai 

Santa: tumne us aadmi ko aisa kyu maara? 
Banta: usne mujhe poocha ke "Khaana khaaye kya"? 
Santa: arey, bhala hi poocha hai na. phir kyu maara? 
Banta: main toilet mein baita tha 

Santa: mera beta raat bhar book ke saamne hee baita rahta hai. 
Banta: lekin phir bhi woh fail kyu huaa? 
Santa: wah book 'facebook' tha, isliye 

Santa: main apni wife ko bahut pyar karta hoo. tum? 
Banta: woh to tumhaari wife hai. main kaise pyar kar sakta hoo? 

santa ka beta: Sirji, jab aap paath padaate ho, to mujhe mere pitaa ki yaad aati hai. 
Sirji: achchi baath hai. kisliye unki yaad aati hai? 
santa ka beta: unko bhi aap hi ke jaise padaana nahi aata hai. 

Santa nurse se bola: aapne mera dil churaa liyaa hai. 
Nurse: hmmm... maine dil churaane se pehle doctor ne aapka kidney churaa liyaa hai 

Santa: shaadi ke baad tumhaari jimmedaari badgayee hai kya? 
Banta: haan yaar. pehle sirf mere liye khaana pakaana tha. ab mere biwi ke liye bhi pakaanaa pad rahaa hai. 

Santa aur Wife Hindi Joke 
Santa: tumhaari wife kyu hamesha gussa rahti hai? 
Banta: maine galti se use bola tha ki "tum gusse main bhi bahut khoob lagti ho" 

Santa Banta Jokes in Hindi 
Santa: pappa agar main exam pass karunga to kya doge? 
Pappa: ek cycle dilaadoonga 
Santa: agar fail hua to? 
Pappa: 10 cycle dilaaunga 
Santa: woh kyu? 
Pappa: padhaai bandh karke cycle shop khol lo 

Santa: navy mein kaam hai. karoge? 
Banta: zaroor. kya kaam hai? 
Santa: jab ship beech samundar mein ruk jaata hai, to tumhe peeche se use dakhelnaa hai  

Police: aapki car ki accident kaise hua? 
Santa: woh to mujhe bhi pata nahi hai sir. tab main so rahaa tha? 

Doctor: bantaji, khaane baad neend ki goliya lee na aapne. 
Banta: uff!! khaane ke baad zor se neend aa raha tha to maine goli lena bhool gaya 

Santa ki girlfriend: Ab hame jaldi shaadi kar leni chahiye. 
Santa: achcha... lekin hame shaadi karega koun? 

Santa: waiter, ek coffee laana. kitna hai? 
Waiter: 50 Rs. 
Santa: saamnewaali dukhaan main to 50 ps hai 
Waiter: woh xerox dukhaan hai sir 

Banta: Santa, itna udhaas kyu baita hai? 
Santa: yaar betting mein maine 2000 gavaa diyaa :-( 
Banta: kaise? 
Santa: India pe 1000 rupaiye ka bet lagaaya tha aur India ne match haar gaya 
Banta: lekin 2000 kaise? 
Santa: aaj us match ka highlights daale. India pe ummeed rakh ke phir 1000 dala tha. 

Beta: Papa, aap engineer kaise bane? 
Santa: uske liye bahut dimaag ka zaroorat padta hai. 
Beta: haa pata hai, isiliye mujhe samajh mein nahi aa rahaa hai ke aap kaise engineer
bane? 
 

Boss: tumhe MS office pata hai? 
Santa: agar address denge to main doond looonga sir 


Santa: pata hai, bachpan mein mujhe ek bus ne zor se dakka maar diya tha.
Banta: baap re, tu mar gaya ke bach gaya?
Santa: mujhe yaad nahi hai. main tab 4 saal ka tha


एक लड़की रेस्टोरंट में बहुत देर से बेठी थी .कुछ देर बाद उसने वेटर को बुलाया और पूछा .लड़की : “ये जो सामने आदमी बैठा है वो कौन है ?”वेटर : "ये रमेश तो रमेश जी है ”लड़की : “ये मुझे एक घंटे से परेशान कर रहा है ”वेटर : लेकिन मैडम जी वो तो आपकी तरफ देख भी नहीं रहे हैं ”लड़की : “यही तो परेशानी है ”

Santa ne apna cellphone leke dentist ke pass gaya tha. kyu? kyunki use check karna tha ke uske cell mein bluetooth hai ki nahi. 

Santa Banta Funny Hindi Jokes Santa ka ghoda kho gayaa tha aur waha bahut khush tha Banta: arey, tumhaara ghoda kho gaya hai aur tum khush ho? jyu? Santa: main is liye khush hoo ke jab vo kho gaya to main uske saath nahi tha. hota to main bhi kho jaata na!!! 

Pappa: sunitha ko dekho, 1st class mein pass kee hai. santa: haa, use dekhtaa rahaa to isiliye main fail ho gaya 

pappa: mummy kyu chup baithi hai? santa: kuch nahi, mummy ne lipstick maangi thi, lekin maine fevistick de diya 

Santa: main shaadi karke khush rahna chaahtaa hoo.
Banta: arey yaar, mazaak mat karo. hasne ki mood nahi hai. 


Santa: main england jaane ke baare mein soch rahaa hoon. Banta: bahut paise kharch hoga na. Santa: nahi banta, sochne ke liye paise kyu? 

Teacher: jeene ke liye Oxygen zaroori hai. ise 1773 mein aavishkaar kiye.
Pappu: baap re bach gaya!! agar usse pehle paida hota to main mar jaata
Teacher: 4+3=7 aur 5+4=9, ab tum bataao 45+5 kitna hua?
Student: Kya sir? aasaan sawaalo ka jaavaab aap de diye aur mushkil savaal mujhse kar rahe ho

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1 comments:

  1. Wow really nice and enjoyed much more here. SO i am expecting much more posts from you. So please keep update like this
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