Popular Jokes-5

Santa: I got married because I was tired of cooking, cleaning home and washing clothes.
Banta: Amazing, I got divorce for the same reason.

A man was on a beach when he discovered an old lamp in the sand. He rubbed it and a genie popped out. The genie said "I will grant you three wishes. The only condition is that you cannot wish for more wishes." "Alright," said the man, "I wish for more genies."

Manmohan Singh: We are sending Indians to the moon next year!
Bush: Wow! How many?
Manamohan Singh: 7 OBC, 5 SC, 8 ST, 3 Handicapped, 2 Sports Persons, 3 Terrorist Affected, 3 Kashmiri Migrants, 2 MPs & 1 Astronaut

TEACHER : What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
PAPPU: A teacher

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Popular Jokes-4

Santa : I tried your number so many times, it always said ‘Switched Off’!
Banta : Nahi Pape, it’s my HELLO TUNE!

Mallika arrived at a Railway Station for a shooting.
Bhikhari: Behanji 1 rupiya dedo.
Malika gave him 1000 Rs.
Secretary: Why u gave him 1000 Rs..?
Malika: Pehli bar kisine behan kaha!

The lecturer is taking the class seriously.
One of the student looking towards the window side in the class room. The lecturer asks the student. For what purpose are you coming school?
Student: For vidhya sir!
Lecturer: Then why you are looking towards window?
Student: Vidhya’s(Girl friend) not reached the school yet now.

Laloo was filling up application form for a job.
He was not sure what to be filled in column
“Salary Expected”.
After much thought he wrote: YES Expected!

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Popular Jokes-3

Taxi driver: Mam, u r the 3rd pregnant lady whom I’m dropping to
Airport today
Lady: But I’m not pregnant
Driver: But we hvn’t reached airport yet

A man went to his doctor with an unusual problem. “Doctor,” the man began, “I have a strange problem that I’m hoping that you can help me with. Whenever I drink coffee, I experience a sharp, excruciating pain.”
The doctor replied, “Try to remember to remove the spoon from the cup before you drink.”

Mohan: Ladkiya sharab se itni nafrat kyun karti hai?
Sohan: Kyun ki isko pine ke baad unke chue jaise pati shero jaise bartab karne lagte hai!!!

Sardar had twins. He named them Tin and Martin.
Again had twins and named them Peter and Repeater.
Again twins and named them Max and Climax.
Again the same. Disgusted Sardar named them Tired & Retired.

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Popular Jokes-2

During Marriage ceremony why is the bridegroom is made to sit on the horse?
He is given his last chance to run away.

There was once a guy from a village he came for kaun banega crorepati contest .amitabh asks him whats ur fathers name he said thik hai
big b asks him this question thrice atlast he gets angry n tells him main kabse aapka pitha ka naam poch raha hoon aur aap thik hai bol rahe hai
then the other man says pahele options to deejiye

An old man walking along the river bank suddenly spotted a boy drowning in the river. The man started shouting "HELP! HELP! I can't swim", a man passing by the road shouted back "Will you ever grow up! I also can't ride a bicycle but you'll never hear me yelling about it in the street"

A man wakes up in a hospital bed after a terrible accident and cries – “DOC, DOC… I can’t feel my legs, I can’t feel my legs!!!
“Well of course you can’t silly!”, replies the Doc… “I’ve cut off both of your arms.”

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Popular Jokes-1

Teacher: What is common between Buddha , Jesus , Mahavir and Guru Nanak?
Student: All of them were born on Punjab Government Holidays!

KAASHHH 
Dil Me Agar "CPU" Hota To ? - Sabhi Yaadon Ko Save Kar Sakte, 
Dimaag Me Agar "PRINTER" Hota To ?- Khayaalo Ka "PRINT OUT" Nikal Dete, 
Dharkan Me Agar "PEN DRIVE" Hoti To?- Zindagi Ka Backup Le Lete , 
Mann Me Jo "BLUETOOTH" Hota To ?- Baaton Ko Transfer Kar Lete, 
Ankhon Me Jo "WEBCAM" Hota To ?- Tasviron Ko Receive Kar Sakte, 
Kaash Zindagi Bhi Ek "COMPUTER" Hoti ?- ToH Restart Kar Lete.. 

Teacher : Pappu, your composition on “My Dog” is exactly the same as your brother’s. Did you copy his?
Pappu : No, teacher, it’s the same dog… we both wrote on!!!

“Why do you take baths in milk?”
“I can’t find a cow tall enough for a shower.”

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Funny SMS 3

SILENCEIs d best Answerfor all questionsSMILEIs d best Reactionin all situationsUnfortunatelyBOTH Never Help Inany EXAM, VIVA, REVIEW & INTERVIEW :P:)

Two Wise Advises for Married PeoplesNever laugh at your wife's choices...(You are on of them...)Never be Prouf of Your Choices...(Your Wife is one of them...)

Jis waqt khuda ne tumhain banaya hoga,ek saroor sa uske dil pe chaya hoga...pehle socha hoga tujhe jannat mein rakh lun..phir ussay zoo ka khayal aaya hoga..

boy: how do i play the guitar????girl: u should be on TV for ur talent :|boy: am i so good??? :D :Ogirl: if u were on TV,, i can atleast switch it off ;/

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Funny SMS 2

A girl died n went to heaven. . God was surprised to see her heart was still beating. . God asked her, how come. . The girl replied, i'm dead but my lover still lives in my heart . . ...Girl was sent to 'hell' for "over acting

Husband texts to wife on cell.."Hi,what r u doing Darling?"Wife: I'm dying..!Husband jumps with joy but types "Sweet Heart, how can I live without U?"Wife: "U idiot! I'm dying my hair.."Husband: "Bloody English Language!

Bubbli got caugt on dateon Independance dayMajor Rohail-What is this?Bubbli-Dad today is freedom day,so let me do what I want

Pay My Regards To Ur FatherWho Is Tolerating Such A Dumb Duffer Child,What A Stamina He Has Got..I Salute Ur Father:p

Sardar sent SMS to his BOSS:"Me sick, no work"Boss SMS back:"When I am sick I kiss my wife try it"2 hours later sardar sms 2 boss:"Me ok, ur wife very sweet"

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Funny SMS 1

I can Prove,that my Girlfriend is perfect

Because,

I am the best Example of Her choice...

A line written on a Husband's T shirt :

ALL GIRLS ARE DEVIL BUT MY WIFE IS QUEEN..

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

OF THEM..:-P

Student took his girlfriend to his homeAfter Completing Graduation....Father Asked who is she....Son replied.My Campus selection.. !!

Two Ladies Fighting For A Seat In A Bus ..Bus Conductor: The Older One Should Sit HereBoth Looked At Each OtherAnd The Seat Remained Empty :P

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Funny Latest Jokes

Teacher: Peter, why r u late for school again? Peter: Well, Miss, I dreamed that I was playing football & the game went into extra time.

Husband: Today is sunday & I have to enjoy it. So i bought 3 movie tickets. Wife: why three? Husband: 4 u and ur parents.

Wife: Aap bahut mote ho gae hoHusband: Tum bhi to kitni moti ho gai hoWife: Mai to maa banne wali hu Husband: Mai b to baap banne wala hu

प्रेमिका: क्या तुम मेरे लिये चांद तोड़ के ला सकते हो?संता: फिर धरती के चक्कर तेरा बाप लगाएगा। 

A baby monkey asks his father, Father why r we so ugly ? The father says to him, don't stress my son u should see the one who is reading this!

बंताजी प्लेटफार्म पर खड़े थे तभी ट्रेन आने की उद्धोषणा हुई और वे रेल्वे ट्रैक पर कूद पड़े। उन्हें देखकर एक आदमी चिल्लाया-'सरदारजी क्या कर रहे हो मर जाओगे!तो बंताजी बोले 'मरेगा तो तू! अभी-अभी सुना नहीं कि ट्रेन प्लेटफार्म पर आ रही है।

प्रेमिका:डार्लिंग मुझे तुम्हारी आंखों में सारी दुनिया दिखाई देती है। संता: हमारी गाय नहीं मिल रही! दिखे तो बताना। 

एक सरदार पार्टी में अपने परिवार के साथ गए। अपने दोस्त से उन्होंने परिवार का परिचय इस तरह कराया-'मैं सरदार, ये सरदारनी, ये मेरा किड और ये किडनी।

संता: पिता के रूप में मुझे गर्व है कि मेरा पुत्र मेडिकल कॉलेज में है।बंता: अरे वाह! वहां क्या पढ़ाई कर रहा है वह? संता: वह पढ़ नहीं रहा है, वहां उसे पढ़ा जा रहा है।

दो दोस्त बहुत अर्से बाद एक-दूसरे से मिले।एक ने पूछा- सुनाओ आजकल कैसी कट रही है।खाक कट रही है, बेकार हूं, सरला भी कटी पतंग की तरह इधर-उधर डोलती फिरती है। लेकिन तुम सुनाओ?खूब मजे से कट रही है। दूसरे ने कहा- आजकल मैं कटी पतंगें लुटता-फिरता हूं।

'अपने मामा को चपत लगाते हुए तुम्हें शर्म नहीं आई? मम्मीजी ने डांटा।गुड्डूज बोले - 'मम्मी, मैंने तो चपत भर लगाई है। भगवान कृष्ण ने तो अपने मामा को जान से ही मार डाला था।

एक भिखारी ने दरवाजे पर आवाज लगाई- दाता के नाम पर रोटी दे दो।भीतर से आवाज आई - मम्मी घर में नहीं हैं।इस पर भिखारी बोला - मैं रोटी मांग रहा हूं, तुम्हारी मम्मी नहीं।

पापा बोले- 'बेटी, पिकनिक पर जरूर जाओ, पर अंधेरा होने से पहले घर जरूर लौट आना।युवा बेटी ने कहा- 'ओह पापा! अब मैं कोई बच्ची थोडे ही हूं।पापा बोले- 'बेटी, इसलिए तो कह रहा हूं।

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Very Funny

Ek chor amir lok ke ghar mein chori karne gaya. Trunk pe likha tha “Trunk ko todne ki jaroorat nahi hai, 156 number press karke sahmne vala lal batan dabao, trunk khul jayegi. Jaise hi batan daba alarm baja aur police aa gayi.” Jate jate chor us lok se bola: Aaj mera insaaniyat se vishwas uth gaya hai!

Babu market jata hai underwear kharid karne. Babu: Yeh kitne ka hai? Dokandar: Rs 600. Kanjoos Babu: Arey bhai daily wear dikhaao, party wear nahi.

Rubel gora tha. Jab uska ladka paida hua toh woh kala tha. Tab Rubel apne patni ke paas jata hai aur pucha hai, “Yaar main bhi gora tha tum bhi gori thi to bachcha kaise kala paida ho gaya?” Aur pher uski bibi ne jawab diya, Darling mein vi Hot tum vi hot sayad “Bachcha Jal gaya hoga.”

Parul (naukrani) ne Parul se kaha, memsahab gajab ho gaya, pados ki teen auraten aap ki saas ko peet rahi hai. Parul Naukrani ke saath balakani se aayi aur chup chap tamasha dekhne lagi. Naukarani ne pucha, aap madad karne nahi jayengi? Parul: Nahi uske liye teen hi kafi hai.

Shadi ke bad dusre din Parul apni dady se: Meri unse ladai ho gayie! Dady: Shadi mein jhagde toh hote rehte hai fikar mat karo. Parul: Woh toh thik hai par ab “LAASH” ka kya karu

Bap: a beta jara bol to kis boys cricket team captan larki? Beta: a kase hoga larka team main captan larki?? A nehi ho sakta. Bap: abe hain . jara soch ke bata. Beta: mujhe to bakwas lagta he. Bap: Srilanka ki us team ki captan “Mahila Joyabardhana”

Rubel bara dukhi tha! Ek dost ne us se pucha, “Kiu, tension mein ho?” Rubel: Yaar ek dost ko plastic surgery ke liye 2 lakh Rupeey diye thay, ab saale ko peehchan nahi pa raha hoon!

Tin frnd ek hotel me khana khaya aur bil dene ki bad manager tin jonke bill hua 30 Rs. Aur us Se 5 Rs. Return dia. Tin jan 3 Rs. Vag kar lia aur waiter ko 2 Rs. Dia Tin logo ki kharach-27 Rs Waiter -2 Total = 29 Rs. Aur ek Rupee kah gaya?

संता बंता अपनी कार से किसी स्थान पर बम रखने जा रहे थे। संता-कार की पिछली सीट पर रखा बम अगर ठिकाने पर पहुंचने से पहले ही फट जाए तो? बंता-कोई बात नहीं है। मेरी अटैची में एक और बम पड़ा है, हम उसे लगा देंगे।

Wife: Raat ko aap peeke gutter mein gir gaye thay. Husband: Kya bataoon, sab galat sangati ka asar hai, hum 4 dost… 1 bottle, aur woh teeno kambhakt peeten nahin.

Pandit : Tumhare jeevan mein 6 ladkiya aayengi. Thambu : Wow, kya baat hai. Pandit: Zyada khush honey ki baat nahi hai. Ek gharwali aur 5 betiya hai.

Santa: Main ek baar jungle mein susu karne gaya toh waha per Sher tha. Banta: Phir kya hua? Santa: Maine Sher se kaha, “Pehle tum karlo, mera toh ho gaya hai.”

Ek police Inspector ke ghar chori ho rahi thi. Wife: Utho ji, ghar mein chori ho rahi hai. Police Inspector: Mujhe sone de, main iss time duty par nahi hoon.

Bhikhari: Saab 1 rupaya de do.Saheb: Kal aana. Kal Bhikhari: Saala is kal-kal ke chakkar mein is colony mein mere lakhon rupaye fase huye hain.

Friend1: Are yaar ye mobile to mujhe kangaal kar dega. Friend2: Kyu? Friend1: Baar baar dikhaata hai “Battery Low” ab tak 56 battery badal chukahoon!

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Santa Banta Jokes-VII

Banta-Kya Hua,Ye Mitti Kyun Khod Raha Hai?
Santa-Dadaji Ne Bola Mene Unka Nam Mitti Me Mila Diya,
Wohi Dhund Raha Hun

Santa Ek Baraf Ka Tukra Utha Kar Usy Gaur Se Dekh Raha Tha ...Banta - Kya Dekh Rahe Ho ... ??
Santa - Dekh Raha Hoon Ye Leak Kahan Se Ho Raha Hy

Wats D Diff. B/W Bus & Cycle?
Santa:Bus Ka Stand Bus Ke Sath Kabhi Nahi Jata
Par Cycle Ka Stand Cycle Ke Sath Jata Hai.

Santa: Mene Kal SANIA MIRZA Se Phone Pe Baat Ki.
Banta: That's Great Yaar..
Usne Kya Kahaa..??
Santa: Usne Kaha
Wrong Number

Salsman-WhichSoap U
Use?
Santa-BABA'S Soap,BABA'S Paste,BABA'S Brush.
Salsman-Is BABA'S
A INTRNATIONAL Company?
Snta: Baba Is My Room Mate.

Santa: Should I Buy Tickets For My Children.?Conductor: Yes! Only If They Are Above 8.
Santa: Thank God I Have Only 6 Children..!!

Santa:I Made My Son FoolBanta:how?
Santa:Last Night,He Stole All My Money And Spent It
Banta:But How U Fooled Him?
Santa: I Was Awoken But Didnt Stop Him!

Banta : Why Is The Police Nicknamed
"The Heart Of The Country"?
Santa : It
Beats,
Beats,
Beats.

Santa:Mujhe Tou Aankhey
Band Karney Par Bhi Dikhayi Deta Hai.
Banta:Achchaa, Kya Dikhta Hai?
Santa:Andhera.

Santa Invested 2 LakhsIn A Business And Suffered Huge Losses.
Do U Know What The Business Was?
He Opened A Saloon In Punjab!

Mrs. Santa Don't Like To Eat Green GrassBut,
Mr. Santa Likes..
Why???
Because,
Santa Is A Guy !!!

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Santa Banta Jokes-VI

Teacher: Tum Bade Ho Kr Kya Kroge?

Santa: Shadi. .

Teachr: Nahi, Mera Mtlab Kya Banoge?

Santa:"DADDY "

Santa 2 Banta Yar Road Cutting Ki Tecnolgy Aye Ha . .

Banta Kia ?

Santa Bili . . .

Banta Mazak Mat Kr Bili Kaise . . .

Santa Simple Sub Bolte Wo Dekho Bili Rasta Kutt Gaye Ha.

SAntA BAntA Se TuM Ne MuJhE SuBhA Se 2oo MiSs CA|Lz Di Ha KyOn ?

BAntA Wo Is LyE MA TuJhE BhOAt MiSs Kr RAhA ThA

Santa-Tum Meri Shadi Me Aaoge Na?

Banta-Mai Un Logo Me Se Nahi

,Jo Musibat

Ke Waqt Dost Akela Chhod De.

Main Zarur Aaunga

Santa: Mujhe Shadi Me BMW Mili He.

Banta: Pr Tumhare Pass To Koi Car Nahi He!

Santa: Abye Ghadhe,

BMW Ka Matlab

Bahut Motti Wife.. Santa : Soch Raha Hu Ki USA Ghum Aaun,

Kitna Paisa Lagega?

Banta : Kuch B Nahi

Santa : Kaise?

Banta : Sochne K Liye Paise Nahi Lagte

Judge: Y U've Stolen Money 4m Dis Man?

Sardar: My Lord I've Nt Stolen Money. He Jst Gave It 2 Me

Judge: Whn He Gave U Money ?

Sardar: Whn I Showd Him Gun

Santa: I've Been Sending E-Mails To William Shakespare...

Banta: William Shakespare Is Dead, Stupid...

Santa: No Wonder He Hasn't Replied As Well.

Santa: I've Been Sending E-Mails To William Shakespare...

Banta: William Shakespare Is Dead, Stupid...

Santa: No Wonder He Hasn't Replied As Well

Santa Sharab Pikar

Sadhu Se Takra Gya

Sadhu Gusse Me-

Aye Murkh

Me Tuje

SHRAAP Deta Hu

Santa-Rukiye

Maharaj

Me Glas

Leke Ata Hu

Policeman: Why Are You Driving On The Sidewalk... ?Santa: It's Too Dangerous To Drive On Street Alot Of Accidents Are Happening Now A Dayz

Santa Singh Got Up In The Middle Of The Night To Answer The Telephone.

"Is This One One One One?"

Says The Voice.

Santa Said, "No, This Is Eleven Eleven."

"Are You Sure It Isn't One One One One?"

Again Santa Said, "No, This Is Eleven Eleven."

"Well, Wrong Number. Sorry To Have Got You Up On The Middle Of The Night." Santa Replied, "That's All Right, Mister.

I Had To Get Up To Answer The Telephone Anyway."

Santa : Among My 4 Sons 3 R Engineers

Frnd:4th?

Santa : Useles,Dnt Study, Becam A Barber

Frnd:Y ,Dnt U Throw Him Out

Santa : Coz He's D Only 1 Who Earns..!

Santa: Yaar Uth Bhukamp Aa Raha Hai, Saara Ghar Hil Raha Hai.

Banta- Soja-Soja Ghar Girega To Makaan Maalik Ka, Hum To Kirayedar Hain..

Santa:Doctor,This Medicine

Is Not Available At Any Medical Store."

Doctor:Oh Sorry,

I Forgot To Write The Medicine.

That Was My Signature.

Page No. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7

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Santa Banta Jokes-V

In An African Safari,A LION Suddenly Bounced On Santa's Wife.
WIFE : Shoot Him! Shoot Him!
SANTA:Yes Yes.I'm Changing D Battery Of My Camera..

Santa - My Wife Died Yesterday..
I'm Trying To Cry But Tears Are Not Come Out,
What To Do?
Banta - No Problem.
Just Imagine She Came Back.

Santa's Army TestPappu- 3+5?
Santa- 8
Pappu- 7+3?
Santa- 10
Pappu- 8+8?
Santa- Pata Nahi Sir
Mere Pass Sirf 10 Hi Ungli Hai.

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Latest Santa Banta Jokes-II

Santa And Banta are probably the most famous set of friends in India. Santa Banta Jokes are heard and relished by any and everyone in India. These are lovable guys who dont care too much about their grey cells and can make you laugh at the silliest of topics. Santa Banta jokes have regaled Indians for decades and given a lot of joy. We hope the Santa Banta jokes that we have listed here bring a smile on your face and ease up any tension that you may be going through right now. Three cheers for Santa and Banta!

Santa Singh's lover asked: Santa Darling, if we get engaged will you give me a ring?"Sure", replied Santa, "What's your phone number?"

Mrs Banta phoned Banta in the office and said: "Darling, come home early, we are going to have my mother for dinner.""Good" replied Banta, "make sure she`s prepared well".

Santa: Go and water the plants. Servant: it's already raining. Santa: So what? Take an umbrella and go.

”Darling” said Santa to his new bride. “Now that we are married ,do you think you can live on my small income?”. “Ofcourse dearest”, she replied. “But what will you live on?”

Santa threw his watch off the balcony of his house on the tenth floor. He ran downstairs and still managed to catch it. How did he do that? Because Santa’s watch is always ten minutes slow

Santa checked his girlfriend’s mobile to know under what name she had saved his number. When he dialed his number form her phone, it showed “TIMEPASS NO. 8”

Santa is checking out of a hotel when suddenly he has to take a shit real bad. The toilet in his room doesn’t flush so he runs to the lobby to use the men’s room but none of the stalls are free. He runs back to his room ,uproots a plant and shits in the pot .Then he puts the plant back and leaves. A week later he gets a postcard from the hotel that says” Dear Sir……all is forgiven…..just tell us…….where is it?”

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