Latest Husband Wife Jokes

Husband: Today is Sunday & I have to enjoy it. So i bought 3 movie tickets.
Wife: why three?
Husband: 4 u and your parents.

Q: Why doesn't the India law permit a man to marry a second woman?
A: Because as per law you cannot be punished twice for the same offence!

Wife: Darling today is our anniversary, what should we do?
Husband: Let us stand in silence for 2 minutes.

Husband: Darling, years ago u had a figure like Coke bottle.
Wife: Yes darling I still do, only difference is earlier it was 300ml now it's 1.5 ltr.

Wife to Husband: In my dream you were buying a diamond ring for me!
Husband : yeah I saw your dad was paying for it

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Husband Wife Jokes

Husband: Bhagwan ne tumhe 2 aakhen di hai chawal se pathar nhi nikal sakti?
WIFE: Bhagwan ne tumhe 32 daat diye hai 2-4 pathar nhi chaba sakte?

Husband aur Wife Hotel me gaye tabhi 1 Lady ne Hello kiya,
Wife nay pocha, Koun Thi Wo?
Husband:-Tum dimagh kharab mat karo, main pehle hi pareshan hun kyo ki woh bhi abhi ye hi puchane wali hai.

Husband & wife are like liver and kidney.
Husband is liver & wife is kidney.
If liver fails, kidney fails.
If kidney fails, liver manages with other kidney.

Husband:u will never succeed in making that dog obey u!
Wife:Nonsense its only a matter of patience, I had a lot of trouble with u at first.

Wife: yesterday-night I saw a dream That u were sending me Jewelry and clothes!
Husband: yeah, I saw your dad paying the bill

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Husband Wife Jokes

In a divorce court a woman told the judge: "Your honour, I want to divorce my husband." "But why ?" asked the judge. She replied, "Because he is not faithful to me." The judge asked, "How do you know ?" She replied, "My lord, not a single child resembles him."

Possible Reasons When A Man Opens a car door for wife
1) The Car Is New.
2) The Wife Is New
3) (Most Imp) She Is Not His Wife

Three FASTEST means of Communication :
1. Tele-Phone
2. Tele-Vision
3. Tell to Woman
Need still FASTER - Tell her NOT to tell ANY ONE.

A pregnant lady went to an astrologer.
Astrologer: When u deliver a baby, baby's father will die.
Lady: Thank god! My husband is safe!

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Husband Wife Jokes-4

Biwi:- shohar se aaj aap office se jaldi kaise aagaye 
Shohar:- achank mere boss ko gussa aagaya aur woh bola jahanum main jao main forun utha aur tumhare pass aagaya 

Nobody teaches Volcanoes to erupt, Tsunamis to devastate, Hurricanes to sway around
& no one teaches How to choose a Wife,
NATURAL DISASTERS JUST HAPPEN. 

What’s the diff between Dava & Daru?
Dava is like girlfriend, that comes with expiry date and Daru is like wife,
Jitni purani hogi utna sir chad ke bolegi. 

Wife : Why are U so lazy 
Husband : Cuz I cannot sleep properly in tonight. 
Wife : Why 
Husband : I was with you in my dream! 

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Husband Wife Jokes-3

At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, "Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger? " The other replied, "Yes I am, I married the wrong man."  

Patni (Pati Se) – Collage ke bare me tumhara koi katu anubhav hai?
Pati (Patani Se) – Han, Tumhari aur meri paheli mulakat college me he to hui thi. 

Wife: Wo samay jo admi drink ker raha hai, usko main nay 10 saal pehlay shadi k liye inkaar kia tha.Aaj tak sharab pee raha hay!
Husband: Wow! itni lambi celebration! 

Difference between Husband & gadha.
Ans:Husband gadha ban sakta hai,
but
Gadha itna bhi gadha nahi k husband bane!! 

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Husband Wife Jokes-2

Pati : Darling aaj sunday hai to soch raha hu ki thoda Enjoy kiya jae...
Patni : Achhha Idea hai
Pati : PVR main mast Movie chal rahi hai, isliye main evening show ke 3 Ticket laya hu...
Patni : 3 kis liye ?
Pati : Tumhare liye aur Tumhare Mammy Papa ke liye.... 

How woman calls their husband in first 6 years
Yr 1. Janu
Yr 2. O jee.
Yr 3. Sunte ho?
Yr 4. O bunty k pappa
Yr 5. Kahan mar gaye?
Yr 6. Tum aate ho ya main aaon?  

Husband: Mein apni wife se divorce chahta hu. Voh mere se 6 mahine se boli nahi.
Lawyer: Dubara soch lo, aisi wife kismat valon ko hi naseeb hoti hai. 

Wife: You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?
Darling: When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.
Wife: You see how miraculous and powerful I am for you?
Darling: Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, "What other problem Can there be greater than this one? 

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Husband Wife Jokes-1

wife hit her husband with frying pan Husband: What was that for…?
Wife: I found a paper in your pocket with the name Jenny on it.
Husband: I took part in a race last week and Jenny was the name of my horse.
Wife: Sorry..!
Next day wife hit him with the frying pan again
Husband: What now..?
Wife: Your horse is on the Phone.  

What is the Difference Between Mother & Wife ?
A – One Woman Brings U into this world crying…& the other ensures U Continue to do so. 

Women live a better, longer & peaceful life…!!
Why? Very simple. A woman does not have a wife..!!!  

Patni: Kaash tum aise SMS hote jise Main Zindagi bhar save karke rakhti! 
Pati: or kaash tum esi ringtone hoti jise main har hafte badal sakta.  

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