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Ek chor amir lok ke ghar mein chori karne gaya. Trunk pe likha tha “Trunk ko todne ki jaroorat nahi hai, 156 number press karke sahmne vala lal batan dabao, trunk khul jayegi. Jaise hi batan daba alarm baja aur police aa gayi.”
Jate jate chor us lok se bola: Aaj mera insaaniyat se vishwas uth gaya hai!

Babu market jata hai underwear kharid karne.
Babu: Yeh kitne ka hai?
Dokandar: Rs 600.
Kanjoos Babu: Arey bhai daily wear dikhaao, party wear nahi.

Rubel gora tha. Jab uska ladka paida hua toh woh kala tha.
Tab Rubel apne patni ke paas jata hai aur pucha hai, “Yaar main bhi gora tha tum bhi gori thi to bachcha kaise kala paida ho gaya?”
Aur pher uski bibi ne jawab diya, Darling mein vi Hot tum vi hot sayad “Bachcha Jal gaya hoga.”

Parul (naukrani) ne Parul se kaha, memsahab gajab ho gaya, pados ki teen auraten aap ki saas ko peet rahi hai.
Parul Naukrani ke saath balakani se aayi aur chup chap tamasha dekhne lagi.
Naukarani ne pucha, aap madad karne nahi jayengi?
Parul: Nahi uske liye teen hi kafi hai.

Shadi ke bad dusre din Parul apni dady se: Meri unse ladai ho gayie!
Dady: Shadi mein jhagde toh hote rehte hai fikar mat karo.
Parul: Woh toh thik hai par ab “LAASH” ka kya karu

Bap: a beta jara bol to kis boys cricket team captan larki?
Beta: a kase hoga larka team main captan larki?? A nehi ho sakta.
Bap: abe hain . jara soch ke bata.
Beta: mujhe to bakwas lagta he.
Bap: Srilanka ki us team ki captan “Mahila Joyabardhana”

Rubel bara dukhi tha!
Ek dost ne us se pucha, “Kiu, tension mein ho?”
Rubel: Yaar ek dost ko plastic surgery ke liye 2 lakh Rupeey diye thay, ab saale ko peehchan nahi pa raha hoon!

Tin frnd ek hotel me khana khaya aur bil dene ki bad manager tin jonke bill hua 30 Rs. Aur us Se 5 Rs. Return dia.
Tin jan 3 Rs. Vag kar lia aur waiter ko 2 Rs. Dia
Tin logo ki kharach-27 Rs
Waiter -2
Total = 29 Rs.
Aur ek Rupee kah gaya?

संता बंता अपनी कार से किसी स्थान पर बम रखने जा रहे थे।
संता-कार की पिछली सीट पर रखा बम अगर ठिकाने पर पहुंचने से पहले ही फट जाए तो?
बंता-कोई बात नहीं है। मेरी अटैची में एक और बम पड़ा है, हम उसे लगा देंगे।

Wife: Raat ko aap peeke gutter mein gir gaye thay.
Husband: Kya bataoon, sab galat sangati ka asar hai, hum 4 dost… 1 bottle, aur woh teeno kambhakt peeten nahin.

Pandit : Tumhare jeevan mein 6 ladkiya aayengi.
Thambu : Wow, kya baat hai.
Pandit: Zyada khush honey ki baat nahi hai. Ek gharwali aur 5 betiya hai.

Santa: Main ek baar jungle mein susu karne gaya toh waha per Sher tha.
Banta: Phir kya hua?
Santa: Maine Sher se kaha, “Pehle tum karlo, mera toh ho gaya hai.”

Ek police Inspector ke ghar chori ho rahi thi.
Wife: Utho ji, ghar mein chori ho rahi hai.
Police Inspector: Mujhe sone de, main iss time duty par nahi hoon.

Bhikhari: Saab 1 rupaya de do.Saheb: Kal aana. Kal
Bhikhari: Saala is kal-kal ke chakkar mein is colony mein mere lakhon rupaye fase huye hain.

Friend1: Are yaar ye mobile to mujhe kangaal kar dega.
Friend2: Kyu?
Friend1: Baar baar dikhaata hai “Battery Low” ab tak 56 battery badal chukahoon!



Train mein TT Sadhu se bola : Kahan jana hai?
Sadhu : Jahan Ram ka janam hua tha.
TT : Ticket hai?
Sadhu : Nahin
TT : Chalo
Sadhu : Kahan?
TT : Jahan Krishan ka janam hua tha.. Jail mein

Ek bar ek ladka samosa ke bich ke aalu ko kha raha tha aur bahar ke hisse ko phek raha tha.
Dushra dost usse poochta hai ke tum samose ke sirf aalu ko kyun kha rahe hoo?
Pehla: Doctor ne mujhe bahar ke chejo ko khane se mana kiya hai.

Anil road par nanga bhag raha tha.
Sunil ne usse rok kar poocha: Arre bhai esa kyu kar rahe ho, kyu nanga bhag rahe ho, tumhe sharam nahi aati?
Anil: Kyu ki aaj tum jaldi ghar aagaye, Issi liye.

Husband: Sir, meri wife gumm ho gayi hai.
Postmaster: Bhai yeh postoffice hai. Ja ke policestation mein complaint likhao.
Husband: Kya karun…, khushi ke mare kuch samaj hi nahi aa raha…

Bahu: Maaji, yeh abhi tak nahi aaye, kahi koi ladki ka chakkar toh nahi hai unke ?
Maaji: Are kalmuhi tu toh hamesha galat hi sochti hai, Ho sakta hai ke kisi truck ke niche aa gaya ho!

Ek larka apni girlfriend se milne gaya, kuch baat ke baad uski girlfirend chaye(tea)banane ke liye kitchen chali gayi.
Girlfriend ka mobile sofay pe dekh kar larky ne socha ke chalo dekhte hai mera number iss ne kis naam se save kya hai?
Dear, sweetu ya jaanu.
Jab usne misscall di toh screen pe likh raha tha “Murgha No.5? Calling”.

Girl of 1960 : Aye bahar hai…jia bekarar hai… aja moray balma tera intezar hai.
Girl of 2007 : Aye bahar hai…jia bekarar hai… aje moray balma warna dusra tayyar hai.

Wife: Why are you waiting here?
Husband: Sher ka shikar karne ja raha hoon mere darling!
Wife: Toh jao naa khade kyu ho!
Husband: Kaise jaau.. Bahar kutta jo khada hai!

Police: Tumhe kal subah 5 baje phansi di jayegi.
Sardar: Ha ha ha!
Police: Kyu hass rahe ho?
Sardar: Main toh subah 8 baje tak sota hoon!

A man and his wife were seeking a divorce at a local court. But the custody of their child posed a problem.
The mother jumped to her feet and protested to the judge that since she had brought the child into this world, she should retain custody.
The man also wanted custody of his child. The judge asked for his side of the story too.
After a long moment of silence, the man rose from his chair and argued, “Your Honour, when I put a dollar in a vending machine and a Pepsi comes out, does the Pepsi belong to me or to the machine?”

Customer: Mujhe phone per dhamkiya mill rahi hai.
Police: Kaun hai woh jo aapko dhamkiya de raha hai?
Customer: Telephone wale bolte hai ke, “Bill nahi bharoge toh kaat denge.”

Nepolian ek Sardarji ko bade garv se kehata hai : Mere dictionary meinimpossible word hi nahi hai.
Sardarji bolata hai : To pahele hi acchi tarah se dekh lene ka na sab word hai ke nahi, aage se word rahenge wohi dictionary le.

One: Oye tera ek daant neela kyun ho gaya?
Two: Yaar maine ink lagayi hai.
One: Woh kyun.?
Two: Kyun ke aaj kal “bluetooth” ka zamana hai yaar…

Santa to Shopkeeper: – Mujhe India ka flag dikhao.
Shopkeeper ne flag dikhaya,
Santa: – Isme aur colour dikhao.

Ek 10 saal ka bachha bahot dhyan se ek book pad raha tha, jiska title tha: “Kids ka paalan poshan kaise kare”.
Mother: Tum yeh book kyon pad rahe ho.
Kid: Main yeh dekhna chahta hoon ke mera paalan poshan theek tara se ho raha hai ya nahi.

Mallika arrived at a Railway Station for a shooting.
Bhikhari: Behanji 1 rupiya dedo.
Malika gave him 1000 Rs.
Secretary: Why u gave him 1000 Rs..?
Malika: Pehli bar kisine behan kaha!

Pappu ek party mein gaya aur waha usne 8 butter naan kha liye.
Kuch der baad toilet mein pet pakad ke ro raha tha bhagwan se request kar raha tha ki, “Hey bhagwan ya toh jaan nikal de ya naan nikal de!”

Santa and banta jungle mein, saamne aayaa sher…
Banta ne sher ki aakhon main matthi phenki, aur bhaagne lagaa aur santa ko bhi bhaagne ko kahaa.
Santa : Main kyun bhaagu, matthi to tune phenki hai.

Pathan Kaun Banega Crorepati Mein:
Q: What is you father name?
Pathan: Plz Options?
A. Dilawar
B. Changez
C. Feroz
D. Sultan
Pathan: Life line 50/50
A. Dilawar
C. Feroze
Pathan: Audience Vote.
75% Dilawar
25% Feroze
Pathan: I want to use My last life line “Phone a friend.”
Kisko call karengy?
Pathan: Apne baap dilawar ko!

Ek chota baccha bahut der se ghar ke bahar khada darwaje ki ghanti bajane ki kosish kar raha tha.Toh ek budha aadmi aaya aur kaha:
Budha aadmi: Kya kar rahe ho beta?
Baccha: Uncle, yeh ghanti bajana chahta hoon.
Budha aadmi (ghanti bajake): Yeh lo bajgaya, ab kya hai?
Baccha: Ab bhago!

Doctor ek patient ke pichhe bhag raha tha… Ek aadmi ne puchha kya hua?
Doctor : Are yaar char bar aisa hua hai sala brain ka operation karwana aata hai aur baal katwake chala jata hai.

Banta mujra dekhne gaya, Sari raat mujra dekhta raha
Bai: Saheb humne aap ko khush kiya, Ab aap hamein khush karo.
Toh banta utha aur khud nachne laga.

Teacher: Tumhare papa 500 rupees loan lete hai. 10% interest ke hisab se woh 1 saal baad loan vapis karte hai. Batao kitne paise vapis karenge?
Bania’s son: Kuch bhi nahi.
Teacher: Tum maths nahi jante.
Banis’s son: Main toh maths janta hoon, par aap mere papa ko nahi jante.

Mohan & Sohan were sitting in a kabristan & were talking.
Mohan: Sohan, dekho yeh murde kitne aaraam se apni kabron mein sote hai.
Sare murde uth khare hue aur bole: Kyun na soye, yeh jaga apni jaan de ke hasil kee hai..!

Boy : Jaan-e-man… ees dil me aaja na!
Girl : Sandal nikalu kya?
Boy : Pagli, yeh mandir nahi… aise hi aaja!!

Patni: Suno ji mere saath tumhare dus saal kaise beete?
Pati: Ek second ki tarah.
Patni: Agar main tumse 10000 rs mangu toh kaisa lagega?
Pati: Chavnni ki tarah.
Patni: Jara 10000 rs dena toh
Pati: Abhi deta hu ek second mein


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