Hindi Jokes

लड़का बाइक चला रहा था . एक लड़की ने scooty से उसे ओवरटेक किया .लड़का चिल्लाया ," ए भैस "
लड़की ने पीछे मुड़कर देखा . और चिल्लाई ...गधा , कुत्ता , बन्दर , उल्लू का पट्ठा
अचानक लड़की का accident हो गया रोड पार करते हुए वो एक भैस से टकरा गई ..
मोरल -:लड़की ये कभी नहीं समझती की लड़का आखिर कहना क्या चाहता हैं

प्रेमी ने अपनी प्रेमिका से पूछा - डियर ! मैं तुम्हारे पिताजी से शादी की बात किस समय करूं ?
प्रेमिका ने कहा - जब कभी मेरे पिताजी के पैर में जूते न हों |

अध्यापक -तुम बडे मुर्ख हो बालक , मै तुम्हारी उम्र मे अच्छी तरह किताब पढ लेता था |
छात्र - श्रीमान आपको अच्छा मास्टर मिल गया होगा?

अध्यापक ने कपिल से कहा - जो काम तुमने नहीं किया , उसके लिए तुम्हें सजा नहीं दी जाएगी |
कपिल - धन्यवाद सर ! आज में होमवर्क करना भूल गया हूं |

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ओ पाजी कदी हंस भी लिया करो

डैड: बेटा, बताओ जान कहां से निकलती है ?

बेटा: खिड़की से.

डैड: वो कैसे ?

बेटा: कल दीदी एक लड़के से कह रही थी – “जान, खिड़की से निकल जाओ.”

A baby mosquito came back after its 1st fight.

Dad asked: “how did u feel?”

It replied: “Dad it was wonderful. everyone was clapping for me.”

Moral: Take everything positively

प्रश्नः आप एक पतली दुबली सुखक्ड, लोमडी को हथिनि कैसे बना सकते हैं ?

उत्तरः बस उससे शादी कर डालो !

Height Of A True Bad Luck.

A Guy And A Girl Met Last Time For Their Break-Up..

Girl’s Father Caught Them.

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Clean Hindi Jokes

संता: "प्यार हो जाता है या करना पड़ता है?"
बंता: "ये तो परिस्थिति पर निर्भर करता है!"
संता: "वो कैसे?"

बंता: "लड़की सुन्दर हो और स्कूटी पर हो, तो हो जाता है। लेकिन लड़की बदसूरत हो पर मर्सीडीज में हो तो करना पड़ता है!"

एक बार एक शिक्षिका कक्षा में बच्चों से सवाल पूछती है;
शिक्षिका: खाली स्थान की पूर्ति करो, 900 चूहे खा कर बिल्ली ________ चली?
पप्पू: 900 चूहे खा कर बिल्ली धीरे-धीरे चली!
शिक्षिका (गुस्से से): खड़े हो जाओ, मजाक करते हो!
पप्पू: मैडम जी ये भी मैंने आपका दिल रखने के लिए कह दिया वरना 900 चूहे खा कर बिल्ली तो क्या बिल्ली का बाप भी नहीं चल सकता!

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Teacher Student Jokes-7

Teacher: Where does God live? 
Little boy: I think he lives in our bathroom. 
Teacher: Why do you say that? 
Little boy: Well, every morning my daddy bangs on the door and says, 'God, are you still in there?'  

Teacher: "Anoop, stop showing off. Do you think you are the teacher of this class?"
Anoop: "No, Miss."
Teacher: "Then stop acting like a fool!"  

A student to his teacher: “ I haven’t got no pencil.” 
Teacher, correcting him: “ You don’t have any pencil.
He doesn’t have any pencils. We don’t have any pencils.”
Student, with a look of astonishment: “Where have all the pencils gone?” 

Teacher to girl: “Why are you late?”
Girl: “I started late from home”.
Teacher: “Why didn’t you start early?”
Girl: “By the time I woke up, it was too late to start early” 

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Teacher Student Jokes-6

Ben got 100 out of 100 in the exam. So the teacher gave him a gift and said, 
I hope you will do the same in the next exam.' 
Ben: Thank you Sir. I hope you will also print the question paper from my uncle’s printing shop next time.  

Teacher: Tom! I know you are bad at spelling. That’s why I told you to write down this sentence 10 times. Why did you write only 4 times? 
Tom: Sir, I am bad at math too.  

Maths mis: A=B, B=C, So A=C. 
Prove this method with example. 
Student: Mis, I love u. U love ur daughter. So i love ur daughter, 
Thats all mis  

Teacher:Ramu,get up.How can you sleep in my class? 
Ramu:I can teacher,if you keep your voice down.  

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Teacher Student Jokes-5

Ramu: Dad, can you write in the dark?
Father: I think so. What do you want me to write?
Ramu: Your name on this report card. 

After answering correct, the teacher said, 'Smith, tell me an important incident which never happened before within ten years'. 
Smith: I answered correct today.  

Teacher: Suppose, you have offered money and knowledge. You have to take one of them. Which one you should choose? 
Student: Money. 
Teacher: I would have taken knowledge. But why do you take money? 
Student: I have the lack of money that’s why. You have the lack of knowledge. That’s why 

Teacher: Sir, why doctors wear a mask when they do an operation? 
Student: For safety. If the patient dies, others can’t find out who did the operation.  

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Teacher Student Jokes-4

The maths teacher asked Little Billy "If you have £20 and I ask you for £10 as a 

loan, how many pounds would you still have?". 

"Twenty" came the reply. 
"How so?" enquired the teacher. 

"Just because you ask me to loan you £10, it doesn't mean I am going to". 

Teacher: "Ramu, you talk a lot !"
Ramu: "It's a family tradition".
Teacher: "What do you mean?"
Ramu: "Sir, my grandpa was a street hawker, my father is a teacher".
Teacher: "What about your mother?"
Ramu: "She's a woman". 

Ramu: "How should I convey the news to my father that I've failed?"
Shamu: "You just send a telegram: Result declared, past year's performance repeated". 

Teacher: If your father and mother both give you 50$, what you will get? 
Student: A new video game.  

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Teacher Student Jokes-3

Teacher : "Which is more important to us, the sun or the moon?"
Pupil : "The moon".
Teacher : "Why?"
Pupil : "The moon gives us light at night when we need it but the sun gives us light only in the day time when we don't need it". 

A teacher asked student, What is the full form of Maths?
The student answered, 'Mentaly Affected Teachers Harrasing Students' 

Teacher : "What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?"
Pupil : "A teacher". 

The teacher asked, 'Give me an example of Coincidence?'
Student replied, My mom and dad got married on the same date. 

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Teacher Student Jokes-2

FATHER: I think so. What do you want me to write?
SYLVIA: Your name on this report card.  

Teacher: "what's the further away, America or the Moon?"
Student: "America!"
Teacher: "America? Whatever gave you that idea?"
Student: "Simple, We can always see the moon from the india, but not america!" 

TEACHER: In this box, I have a 10-foot snake. 
SAMMY : You can't fool me, Teacher... snakes don't have feet.  

Teacher :What happened in 1809?
Student: Abraham Lincoln was born.
Teacher :What happened in 1819?
Student: Abraham Lincoln was ten years old. 

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Teacher Student Jokes-1

Teacher: "I killed a person" convert this sentence into future tense.
Student: The future tense is "u will go to jail". 

TEACHER: What is the chemical formula for water? 
SARAH : "HIJKLMNO"!! 
TEACHER: What are you talking about? 
SARAH : Yesterday you said it's H to O 

Teacher: Did your father help you with your homework?
Student: No, he did it all by himself. 

TEACHER: George, go to the map and find North America. 
GEORGE : Here it is! 
TEACHER: Correct. Now, class, who discovered America?
CLASS : George!  

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Funny Latest Jokes

Teacher: Peter, why r u late for school again? Peter: Well, Miss, I dreamed that I was playing football & the game went into extra time.

Husband: Today is sunday & I have to enjoy it. So i bought 3 movie tickets. Wife: why three? Husband: 4 u and ur parents.

Wife: Aap bahut mote ho gae hoHusband: Tum bhi to kitni moti ho gai hoWife: Mai to maa banne wali hu Husband: Mai b to baap banne wala hu

प्रेमिका: क्या तुम मेरे लिये चांद तोड़ के ला सकते हो?संता: फिर धरती के चक्कर तेरा बाप लगाएगा। 

A baby monkey asks his father, Father why r we so ugly ? The father says to him, don't stress my son u should see the one who is reading this!

बंताजी प्लेटफार्म पर खड़े थे तभी ट्रेन आने की उद्धोषणा हुई और वे रेल्वे ट्रैक पर कूद पड़े। उन्हें देखकर एक आदमी चिल्लाया-'सरदारजी क्या कर रहे हो मर जाओगे!तो बंताजी बोले 'मरेगा तो तू! अभी-अभी सुना नहीं कि ट्रेन प्लेटफार्म पर आ रही है।

प्रेमिका:डार्लिंग मुझे तुम्हारी आंखों में सारी दुनिया दिखाई देती है। संता: हमारी गाय नहीं मिल रही! दिखे तो बताना। 

एक सरदार पार्टी में अपने परिवार के साथ गए। अपने दोस्त से उन्होंने परिवार का परिचय इस तरह कराया-'मैं सरदार, ये सरदारनी, ये मेरा किड और ये किडनी।

संता: पिता के रूप में मुझे गर्व है कि मेरा पुत्र मेडिकल कॉलेज में है।बंता: अरे वाह! वहां क्या पढ़ाई कर रहा है वह? संता: वह पढ़ नहीं रहा है, वहां उसे पढ़ा जा रहा है।

दो दोस्त बहुत अर्से बाद एक-दूसरे से मिले।एक ने पूछा- सुनाओ आजकल कैसी कट रही है।खाक कट रही है, बेकार हूं, सरला भी कटी पतंग की तरह इधर-उधर डोलती फिरती है। लेकिन तुम सुनाओ?खूब मजे से कट रही है। दूसरे ने कहा- आजकल मैं कटी पतंगें लुटता-फिरता हूं।

'अपने मामा को चपत लगाते हुए तुम्हें शर्म नहीं आई? मम्मीजी ने डांटा।गुड्डूज बोले - 'मम्मी, मैंने तो चपत भर लगाई है। भगवान कृष्ण ने तो अपने मामा को जान से ही मार डाला था।

एक भिखारी ने दरवाजे पर आवाज लगाई- दाता के नाम पर रोटी दे दो।भीतर से आवाज आई - मम्मी घर में नहीं हैं।इस पर भिखारी बोला - मैं रोटी मांग रहा हूं, तुम्हारी मम्मी नहीं।

पापा बोले- 'बेटी, पिकनिक पर जरूर जाओ, पर अंधेरा होने से पहले घर जरूर लौट आना।युवा बेटी ने कहा- 'ओह पापा! अब मैं कोई बच्ची थोडे ही हूं।पापा बोले- 'बेटी, इसलिए तो कह रहा हूं।

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Jocks in Hindi

प्रेमिका: तुम तो बस अपने काम में लगे रहते हो. मेरी तो कोई परवाह ही नहीं तुम्हें.
प्रेमी: ओए… प्यार करने वाले किसी की परवाह नहीं करते.

गोलू: मैं यह बर्दाश्त नहीं कर सकता. तुम्हारे होटल में बहुत सारी मक्खियां हैं.
वेटर: हुक्म करें सर. आप कितनी बर्दाश्त कर सकते हैं? बाकियों को मैं बाहर निकाल दूंगा.

लड़की- पापा, एक लड़का बार-बार मुझे आई लव यू बोलता है, क्या करूं ?
पापा- बेटी, उससे शादी कर ले. जिंदगी में दोबारा कभी बोले तो मेरा नाम बदल देना.

बंता: आप अपनी पत्नी को हीरों का हार देने की बजाय कोई कार गिफ्ट में क्यों नहीं दे देते?
संता: ऐसी कार कहां से ले कर आऊंगा जो हो तो नकली पर हो बिल्कुल असली जैसी?

टीचर: एक लीटर पेट्रोल कितने रूपये का है?
छात्र: पता नहीं मैम अब कितने का है…घर से चला था तो 64 का था!

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Santa Banta Jokes-VII

Banta-Kya Hua,Ye Mitti Kyun Khod Raha Hai?
Santa-Dadaji Ne Bola Mene Unka Nam Mitti Me Mila Diya,
Wohi Dhund Raha Hun

Santa Ek Baraf Ka Tukra Utha Kar Usy Gaur Se Dekh Raha Tha ...Banta - Kya Dekh Rahe Ho ... ??
Santa - Dekh Raha Hoon Ye Leak Kahan Se Ho Raha Hy

Wats D Diff. B/W Bus & Cycle?
Santa:Bus Ka Stand Bus Ke Sath Kabhi Nahi Jata
Par Cycle Ka Stand Cycle Ke Sath Jata Hai.

Santa: Mene Kal SANIA MIRZA Se Phone Pe Baat Ki.
Banta: That's Great Yaar..
Usne Kya Kahaa..??
Santa: Usne Kaha
Wrong Number

Salsman-WhichSoap U
Use?
Santa-BABA'S Soap,BABA'S Paste,BABA'S Brush.
Salsman-Is BABA'S
A INTRNATIONAL Company?
Snta: Baba Is My Room Mate.

Santa: Should I Buy Tickets For My Children.?Conductor: Yes! Only If They Are Above 8.
Santa: Thank God I Have Only 6 Children..!!

Santa:I Made My Son FoolBanta:how?
Santa:Last Night,He Stole All My Money And Spent It
Banta:But How U Fooled Him?
Santa: I Was Awoken But Didnt Stop Him!

Banta : Why Is The Police Nicknamed
"The Heart Of The Country"?
Santa : It
Beats,
Beats,
Beats.

Santa:Mujhe Tou Aankhey
Band Karney Par Bhi Dikhayi Deta Hai.
Banta:Achchaa, Kya Dikhta Hai?
Santa:Andhera.

Santa Invested 2 LakhsIn A Business And Suffered Huge Losses.
Do U Know What The Business Was?
He Opened A Saloon In Punjab!

Mrs. Santa Don't Like To Eat Green GrassBut,
Mr. Santa Likes..
Why???
Because,
Santa Is A Guy !!!

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Santa Banta Jokes-VI

Teacher: Tum Bade Ho Kr Kya Kroge?

Santa: Shadi. .

Teachr: Nahi, Mera Mtlab Kya Banoge?

Santa:"DADDY "

Santa 2 Banta Yar Road Cutting Ki Tecnolgy Aye Ha . .

Banta Kia ?

Santa Bili . . .

Banta Mazak Mat Kr Bili Kaise . . .

Santa Simple Sub Bolte Wo Dekho Bili Rasta Kutt Gaye Ha.

SAntA BAntA Se TuM Ne MuJhE SuBhA Se 2oo MiSs CA|Lz Di Ha KyOn ?

BAntA Wo Is LyE MA TuJhE BhOAt MiSs Kr RAhA ThA

Santa-Tum Meri Shadi Me Aaoge Na?

Banta-Mai Un Logo Me Se Nahi

,Jo Musibat

Ke Waqt Dost Akela Chhod De.

Main Zarur Aaunga

Santa: Mujhe Shadi Me BMW Mili He.

Banta: Pr Tumhare Pass To Koi Car Nahi He!

Santa: Abye Ghadhe,

BMW Ka Matlab

Bahut Motti Wife.. Santa : Soch Raha Hu Ki USA Ghum Aaun,

Kitna Paisa Lagega?

Banta : Kuch B Nahi

Santa : Kaise?

Banta : Sochne K Liye Paise Nahi Lagte

Judge: Y U've Stolen Money 4m Dis Man?

Sardar: My Lord I've Nt Stolen Money. He Jst Gave It 2 Me

Judge: Whn He Gave U Money ?

Sardar: Whn I Showd Him Gun

Santa: I've Been Sending E-Mails To William Shakespare...

Banta: William Shakespare Is Dead, Stupid...

Santa: No Wonder He Hasn't Replied As Well.

Santa: I've Been Sending E-Mails To William Shakespare...

Banta: William Shakespare Is Dead, Stupid...

Santa: No Wonder He Hasn't Replied As Well

Santa Sharab Pikar

Sadhu Se Takra Gya

Sadhu Gusse Me-

Aye Murkh

Me Tuje

SHRAAP Deta Hu

Santa-Rukiye

Maharaj

Me Glas

Leke Ata Hu

Policeman: Why Are You Driving On The Sidewalk... ?Santa: It's Too Dangerous To Drive On Street Alot Of Accidents Are Happening Now A Dayz

Santa Singh Got Up In The Middle Of The Night To Answer The Telephone.

"Is This One One One One?"

Says The Voice.

Santa Said, "No, This Is Eleven Eleven."

"Are You Sure It Isn't One One One One?"

Again Santa Said, "No, This Is Eleven Eleven."

"Well, Wrong Number. Sorry To Have Got You Up On The Middle Of The Night." Santa Replied, "That's All Right, Mister.

I Had To Get Up To Answer The Telephone Anyway."

Santa : Among My 4 Sons 3 R Engineers

Frnd:4th?

Santa : Useles,Dnt Study, Becam A Barber

Frnd:Y ,Dnt U Throw Him Out

Santa : Coz He's D Only 1 Who Earns..!

Santa: Yaar Uth Bhukamp Aa Raha Hai, Saara Ghar Hil Raha Hai.

Banta- Soja-Soja Ghar Girega To Makaan Maalik Ka, Hum To Kirayedar Hain..

Santa:Doctor,This Medicine

Is Not Available At Any Medical Store."

Doctor:Oh Sorry,

I Forgot To Write The Medicine.

That Was My Signature.

Page No. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7

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Santa Banta Jokes-V

In An African Safari,A LION Suddenly Bounced On Santa's Wife.
WIFE : Shoot Him! Shoot Him!
SANTA:Yes Yes.I'm Changing D Battery Of My Camera..

Santa - My Wife Died Yesterday..
I'm Trying To Cry But Tears Are Not Come Out,
What To Do?
Banta - No Problem.
Just Imagine She Came Back.

Santa's Army TestPappu- 3+5?
Santa- 8
Pappu- 7+3?
Santa- 10
Pappu- 8+8?
Santa- Pata Nahi Sir
Mere Pass Sirf 10 Hi Ungli Hai.

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Latest Santa Banta Jokes-II

Santa And Banta are probably the most famous set of friends in India. Santa Banta Jokes are heard and relished by any and everyone in India. These are lovable guys who dont care too much about their grey cells and can make you laugh at the silliest of topics. Santa Banta jokes have regaled Indians for decades and given a lot of joy. We hope the Santa Banta jokes that we have listed here bring a smile on your face and ease up any tension that you may be going through right now. Three cheers for Santa and Banta!

Santa Singh's lover asked: Santa Darling, if we get engaged will you give me a ring?"Sure", replied Santa, "What's your phone number?"

Mrs Banta phoned Banta in the office and said: "Darling, come home early, we are going to have my mother for dinner.""Good" replied Banta, "make sure she`s prepared well".

Santa: Go and water the plants. Servant: it's already raining. Santa: So what? Take an umbrella and go.

”Darling” said Santa to his new bride. “Now that we are married ,do you think you can live on my small income?”. “Ofcourse dearest”, she replied. “But what will you live on?”

Santa threw his watch off the balcony of his house on the tenth floor. He ran downstairs and still managed to catch it. How did he do that? Because Santa’s watch is always ten minutes slow

Santa checked his girlfriend’s mobile to know under what name she had saved his number. When he dialed his number form her phone, it showed “TIMEPASS NO. 8”

Santa is checking out of a hotel when suddenly he has to take a shit real bad. The toilet in his room doesn’t flush so he runs to the lobby to use the men’s room but none of the stalls are free. He runs back to his room ,uproots a plant and shits in the pot .Then he puts the plant back and leaves. A week later he gets a postcard from the hotel that says” Dear Sir……all is forgiven…..just tell us…….where is it?”

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