Fresh Jokes 2013

Teacher : Pappu tell me a story with Moral.Pappu : Maine usko phone kiya .... wo so rahi thi....phir usne mujhe phone kiya to main so raha tha...Moral : Jaisi Karni Waisi Bharni.

Wife to Husband :'Tell Me How Beutiful am I'Husband : 'Too Much Darling...'Wife : ' Tell me How Much...'Husband :' Too Much Darling...'Wife: ' Clearly tell me how much...'Husband:'You are so beautiful that I want one more wife just like you !!'

Ek Pagal Aaine me khud ko dekhkar sochne laga 'isko kahin dekha hai.......kafi der sochane ke baad wo achanak chillaya :'Abe Sala Ye To Wo Hi Hai Jo Us Din Mere Sath Baal Katwa raha Tha... ' 

Teacher to Student : A...B...C...D sunao.Student : A...B....C...DTeacher : aur suno...Student: aur to sab theek thaak hai, upar wale ki daya hai... aap sunaiye sab khairiyat.

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Funny Latest Jokes

Teacher: Peter, why r u late for school again? Peter: Well, Miss, I dreamed that I was playing football & the game went into extra time.

Husband: Today is sunday & I have to enjoy it. So i bought 3 movie tickets. Wife: why three? Husband: 4 u and ur parents.

Wife: Aap bahut mote ho gae hoHusband: Tum bhi to kitni moti ho gai hoWife: Mai to maa banne wali hu Husband: Mai b to baap banne wala hu

प्रेमिका: क्या तुम मेरे लिये चांद तोड़ के ला सकते हो?संता: फिर धरती के चक्कर तेरा बाप लगाएगा। 

A baby monkey asks his father, Father why r we so ugly ? The father says to him, don't stress my son u should see the one who is reading this!

बंताजी प्लेटफार्म पर खड़े थे तभी ट्रेन आने की उद्धोषणा हुई और वे रेल्वे ट्रैक पर कूद पड़े। उन्हें देखकर एक आदमी चिल्लाया-'सरदारजी क्या कर रहे हो मर जाओगे!तो बंताजी बोले 'मरेगा तो तू! अभी-अभी सुना नहीं कि ट्रेन प्लेटफार्म पर आ रही है।

प्रेमिका:डार्लिंग मुझे तुम्हारी आंखों में सारी दुनिया दिखाई देती है। संता: हमारी गाय नहीं मिल रही! दिखे तो बताना। 

एक सरदार पार्टी में अपने परिवार के साथ गए। अपने दोस्त से उन्होंने परिवार का परिचय इस तरह कराया-'मैं सरदार, ये सरदारनी, ये मेरा किड और ये किडनी।

संता: पिता के रूप में मुझे गर्व है कि मेरा पुत्र मेडिकल कॉलेज में है।बंता: अरे वाह! वहां क्या पढ़ाई कर रहा है वह? संता: वह पढ़ नहीं रहा है, वहां उसे पढ़ा जा रहा है।

दो दोस्त बहुत अर्से बाद एक-दूसरे से मिले।एक ने पूछा- सुनाओ आजकल कैसी कट रही है।खाक कट रही है, बेकार हूं, सरला भी कटी पतंग की तरह इधर-उधर डोलती फिरती है। लेकिन तुम सुनाओ?खूब मजे से कट रही है। दूसरे ने कहा- आजकल मैं कटी पतंगें लुटता-फिरता हूं।

'अपने मामा को चपत लगाते हुए तुम्हें शर्म नहीं आई? मम्मीजी ने डांटा।गुड्डूज बोले - 'मम्मी, मैंने तो चपत भर लगाई है। भगवान कृष्ण ने तो अपने मामा को जान से ही मार डाला था।

एक भिखारी ने दरवाजे पर आवाज लगाई- दाता के नाम पर रोटी दे दो।भीतर से आवाज आई - मम्मी घर में नहीं हैं।इस पर भिखारी बोला - मैं रोटी मांग रहा हूं, तुम्हारी मम्मी नहीं।

पापा बोले- 'बेटी, पिकनिक पर जरूर जाओ, पर अंधेरा होने से पहले घर जरूर लौट आना।युवा बेटी ने कहा- 'ओह पापा! अब मैं कोई बच्ची थोडे ही हूं।पापा बोले- 'बेटी, इसलिए तो कह रहा हूं।

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Santa Banta Jokes-VII

Banta-Kya Hua,Ye Mitti Kyun Khod Raha Hai?
Santa-Dadaji Ne Bola Mene Unka Nam Mitti Me Mila Diya,
Wohi Dhund Raha Hun

Santa Ek Baraf Ka Tukra Utha Kar Usy Gaur Se Dekh Raha Tha ...Banta - Kya Dekh Rahe Ho ... ??
Santa - Dekh Raha Hoon Ye Leak Kahan Se Ho Raha Hy

Wats D Diff. B/W Bus & Cycle?
Santa:Bus Ka Stand Bus Ke Sath Kabhi Nahi Jata
Par Cycle Ka Stand Cycle Ke Sath Jata Hai.

Santa: Mene Kal SANIA MIRZA Se Phone Pe Baat Ki.
Banta: That's Great Yaar..
Usne Kya Kahaa..??
Santa: Usne Kaha
Wrong Number

Salsman-WhichSoap U
Use?
Santa-BABA'S Soap,BABA'S Paste,BABA'S Brush.
Salsman-Is BABA'S
A INTRNATIONAL Company?
Snta: Baba Is My Room Mate.

Santa: Should I Buy Tickets For My Children.?Conductor: Yes! Only If They Are Above 8.
Santa: Thank God I Have Only 6 Children..!!

Santa:I Made My Son FoolBanta:how?
Santa:Last Night,He Stole All My Money And Spent It
Banta:But How U Fooled Him?
Santa: I Was Awoken But Didnt Stop Him!

Banta : Why Is The Police Nicknamed
"The Heart Of The Country"?
Santa : It
Beats,
Beats,
Beats.

Santa:Mujhe Tou Aankhey
Band Karney Par Bhi Dikhayi Deta Hai.
Banta:Achchaa, Kya Dikhta Hai?
Santa:Andhera.

Santa Invested 2 LakhsIn A Business And Suffered Huge Losses.
Do U Know What The Business Was?
He Opened A Saloon In Punjab!

Mrs. Santa Don't Like To Eat Green GrassBut,
Mr. Santa Likes..
Why???
Because,
Santa Is A Guy !!!

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Santa Banta Jokes-VI

Teacher: Tum Bade Ho Kr Kya Kroge?

Santa: Shadi. .

Teachr: Nahi, Mera Mtlab Kya Banoge?

Santa:"DADDY "

Santa 2 Banta Yar Road Cutting Ki Tecnolgy Aye Ha . .

Banta Kia ?

Santa Bili . . .

Banta Mazak Mat Kr Bili Kaise . . .

Santa Simple Sub Bolte Wo Dekho Bili Rasta Kutt Gaye Ha.

SAntA BAntA Se TuM Ne MuJhE SuBhA Se 2oo MiSs CA|Lz Di Ha KyOn ?

BAntA Wo Is LyE MA TuJhE BhOAt MiSs Kr RAhA ThA

Santa-Tum Meri Shadi Me Aaoge Na?

Banta-Mai Un Logo Me Se Nahi

,Jo Musibat

Ke Waqt Dost Akela Chhod De.

Main Zarur Aaunga

Santa: Mujhe Shadi Me BMW Mili He.

Banta: Pr Tumhare Pass To Koi Car Nahi He!

Santa: Abye Ghadhe,

BMW Ka Matlab

Bahut Motti Wife.. Santa : Soch Raha Hu Ki USA Ghum Aaun,

Kitna Paisa Lagega?

Banta : Kuch B Nahi

Santa : Kaise?

Banta : Sochne K Liye Paise Nahi Lagte

Judge: Y U've Stolen Money 4m Dis Man?

Sardar: My Lord I've Nt Stolen Money. He Jst Gave It 2 Me

Judge: Whn He Gave U Money ?

Sardar: Whn I Showd Him Gun

Santa: I've Been Sending E-Mails To William Shakespare...

Banta: William Shakespare Is Dead, Stupid...

Santa: No Wonder He Hasn't Replied As Well.

Santa: I've Been Sending E-Mails To William Shakespare...

Banta: William Shakespare Is Dead, Stupid...

Santa: No Wonder He Hasn't Replied As Well

Santa Sharab Pikar

Sadhu Se Takra Gya

Sadhu Gusse Me-

Aye Murkh

Me Tuje

SHRAAP Deta Hu

Santa-Rukiye

Maharaj

Me Glas

Leke Ata Hu

Policeman: Why Are You Driving On The Sidewalk... ?Santa: It's Too Dangerous To Drive On Street Alot Of Accidents Are Happening Now A Dayz

Santa Singh Got Up In The Middle Of The Night To Answer The Telephone.

"Is This One One One One?"

Says The Voice.

Santa Said, "No, This Is Eleven Eleven."

"Are You Sure It Isn't One One One One?"

Again Santa Said, "No, This Is Eleven Eleven."

"Well, Wrong Number. Sorry To Have Got You Up On The Middle Of The Night." Santa Replied, "That's All Right, Mister.

I Had To Get Up To Answer The Telephone Anyway."

Santa : Among My 4 Sons 3 R Engineers

Frnd:4th?

Santa : Useles,Dnt Study, Becam A Barber

Frnd:Y ,Dnt U Throw Him Out

Santa : Coz He's D Only 1 Who Earns..!

Santa: Yaar Uth Bhukamp Aa Raha Hai, Saara Ghar Hil Raha Hai.

Banta- Soja-Soja Ghar Girega To Makaan Maalik Ka, Hum To Kirayedar Hain..

Santa:Doctor,This Medicine

Is Not Available At Any Medical Store."

Doctor:Oh Sorry,

I Forgot To Write The Medicine.

That Was My Signature.

Page No. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7

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Santa Banta Jokes-V

In An African Safari,A LION Suddenly Bounced On Santa's Wife.
WIFE : Shoot Him! Shoot Him!
SANTA:Yes Yes.I'm Changing D Battery Of My Camera..

Santa - My Wife Died Yesterday..
I'm Trying To Cry But Tears Are Not Come Out,
What To Do?
Banta - No Problem.
Just Imagine She Came Back.

Santa's Army TestPappu- 3+5?
Santa- 8
Pappu- 7+3?
Santa- 10
Pappu- 8+8?
Santa- Pata Nahi Sir
Mere Pass Sirf 10 Hi Ungli Hai.

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Santa Banta Jokes-IV

3 sardar picnic par gae wahan ja kr yad aya k pepsi to ghar bhol gaye Decide kia kay sab se chota sardar ja kar pepsi le aey, Chota sardar:Main is shart par jata hun k tum mere ane tak smose nahi khao ge Dono ne kaha thek hai 1 din guzar giya ...sardar ni aya 2 din guzr gae 2no ne socha k ab smose kha lne chahye Jse hi smosa uthaya chota sardar ped k peche se nikal k bola.... Aisay karo gay to main nahi jaonga.

Santa was going to school and saw one girl and boy kissing each other and he told. Mum look these boy and girl is fighting for chewing gum. Santa jokes in hindi Santa apni mother ke saath school ja raha tha aur usne ek boy aur girl ko kiss karte hue dekha Phir usne apni mother ko kaha. Are mummy wo ladka aur ladki chewing gum ke liye jhagad rahe hai 

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Santa Banta Jokes-III

Once Santa was coming out of Airport. As there was huge rush the security guard told "WAIT SIR" for which santa replied "65Kgs" and moved on...

A man jumped into the river and never came back. Another man jumped, he also did not return. Santa's conclusion: man is soluble in water

Teacher: What is the axis of the Earth? Santa: The axis of the Earth is an imaginary line which passes from one pole to the other, and on which the Earth revolves. Teacher: Very good. Now, could you hang clothes on that line? Santa: Yes, sir. Teacher: Indeed, and what sort of clothes? Santa: Imaginary clothes, sir.

Santa:Papa aaj meri Girl4nd ki birhday he. Use kya du..?
Papa:Dekhne me kaisi hai?
Santa:Mast hai..
Papa:Mera mobile number de de! 

Santa jawan hua to uske pariwar ki budhi bhua shaadi ya samajik samarohon main mauke-bemauke kabhi bhi aakar chikoti kaat jaati aur kahti ,”Beta ab tumhari baari hai.” Santa ki yah samasya tab khatam hui jab martyu ya shok samarohon main panhuchne par woh usi budhi bhua ke paas jata aur bolta :- ab tumhari baari hai , bhuaji. 

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Latest Santa Banta Jokes-II

Santa And Banta are probably the most famous set of friends in India. Santa Banta Jokes are heard and relished by any and everyone in India. These are lovable guys who dont care too much about their grey cells and can make you laugh at the silliest of topics. Santa Banta jokes have regaled Indians for decades and given a lot of joy. We hope the Santa Banta jokes that we have listed here bring a smile on your face and ease up any tension that you may be going through right now. Three cheers for Santa and Banta!

Santa Singh's lover asked: Santa Darling, if we get engaged will you give me a ring?"Sure", replied Santa, "What's your phone number?"

Mrs Banta phoned Banta in the office and said: "Darling, come home early, we are going to have my mother for dinner.""Good" replied Banta, "make sure she`s prepared well".

Santa: Go and water the plants. Servant: it's already raining. Santa: So what? Take an umbrella and go.

”Darling” said Santa to his new bride. “Now that we are married ,do you think you can live on my small income?”. “Ofcourse dearest”, she replied. “But what will you live on?”

Santa threw his watch off the balcony of his house on the tenth floor. He ran downstairs and still managed to catch it. How did he do that? Because Santa’s watch is always ten minutes slow

Santa checked his girlfriend’s mobile to know under what name she had saved his number. When he dialed his number form her phone, it showed “TIMEPASS NO. 8”

Santa is checking out of a hotel when suddenly he has to take a shit real bad. The toilet in his room doesn’t flush so he runs to the lobby to use the men’s room but none of the stalls are free. He runs back to his room ,uproots a plant and shits in the pot .Then he puts the plant back and leaves. A week later he gets a postcard from the hotel that says” Dear Sir……all is forgiven…..just tell us…….where is it?”

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Latest Santa Banta Jokes-I

Santa was standing in sun on a hot sunny day. Banta asked: What are you doing?
Santa: Drying sweat

Santa was looking at a painting for a long time of a naked woman with leaves covering the body, he was asked what he was doing and he answered: Waiting for autumn.

Santa went to see a gal for marriage. Their families decided to leave them for some talk. After some time, Santa asks: Behenji, tusin kinne behen-bhai ho? Girl: Vaise taan 3 si, par hun 4 ho gaye.

Jeeto: yelled at Santa: U're gonna b really sorry! I'm going to LEAVE you! Santa: Make up ur mind! Which one is it gonna be?

 

Santa: Itne kam marks? Do thappad marne chahiye. Pappu: Haan papa, chalo maine us saale master ka ghar bhi dekh rakha hai.

Santa waitin at bus stop in UK along with 3 women. When bus arrived, conductor picked the women & said: No more, no more

 

Lady to inspector Santa: My husband went to buy potatoes 5 days ago, he hasn't come back yet! Santa: Why don't u cook something else. 

A lady calls Santa for repairing door bell. Santa doesnt turns up for 4 days.
Lady calls again, Santa replies: I'm coming daily since 4 days, I press the bell but no one comes out 

Banta: Truck dekhkar tum kaampte kyon ho? Santa: Ek truck driver meri biwi lekar bhaag gaya tha, har baar lagta hai jaise usko vapas karne aya hai.

Banta sent sms to Santa: Bhejnewala mahan, padhnewala gadha. Santa got angry and replied: Bhejnewala gadha, padhnewala mahan.

Q: Why did Santa throw the butter out of the window? A: He wanted to see butterfly!

Nurse: Congrats Santa ji, aap papa ban gaye. Santa: Meri wife ko nahi bolna mein use surprise dunga! 

Jeeto: I didn't know you smoked. When did you start? Preeto: That night my husband came home early and found a cigarette butt in the ashtray. 

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Santa and Doctor

Banta: Oye, tu to Doctor ke paas jaane waala tha, kya hua?
Santa: Yaar kal jaaonga, aaj thodi tabiyat kharab hai.

संता  टॅक्सीमें घरसे हवाई अड्डेके लिए निकला था. जाते जाते एक जगह बिचमेंही ड्रायव्हरने टॅक्सी रोक दी.
संता - क्या हूवा?
ड्रायव्हर - साब हम अब आगे नही जा सकते ... क्योंकी पेट्रोल खतम हो गया है..
संता  - कोई बात नही ... टॅक्सी पिछे घर वापस लो..

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Santa and Shopkeeper

Santa goes to buy a underwear. On choosing one he asks: How much for this?
Shopkeeper: Rs 500
Santa: Arey bhai daily waer dikhaao, Party wear nahin chahiye.

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Santa on Vibration

Santa suffering from cold was shivering. His son called a doc.
Doc: wht happened?
Son: Bimari da ta pata nahun par baapu saver da VIBRATION mode te lagaya hai

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Santa with Wife

Banta:-santa tere ghar se mujhe hamesha hansne ki aawaz aati rahti hai. 
Santa:-are yaar, meri biwi jab mujhe joote se marti hai, agar mujhe lag jaata hai to who hansti hai aur agar nahin lagta to main hansta hoon. 

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Santa's Dictionary

Santa:-meri dictionary main namumkin shabd nahin hai. 
Banta:-are yaar dictionary kharidne se pahle check kar lena chahiye na. 

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Kanjoos Santa-II

Kanjoos santa ka achanak chat se pair fisal gaya aur wo neeche girne laga. 

jaise hi teesri manzil per uske kichen ki khidki ke samne se guzra, apni biwi se bola,
"Mere liye aaj ka khana mat banana."

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Santa in Trouble

Santa ko koi mobile per pareshaan karta tha. 
pareshaan hokar santa ne naya number le liya. 
Number activate karke us aadmi ko message bheja, 
"Maine to Purana Number hi band kar diya,ab kise pareshaan karega?"

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Kanjoos Santa

Kanjoos santa ka ek rupyaa chat se neeche gir gaya. 
Santa neeche pahuncha to use rupyaa nahin mila. 
Kyon? Kyonki santa rupye se pahle neeche pahunch gaya tha. 

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Santa Aur Machis

Santa ne ek maachis ki tili jalai woh nahin jali, 

doosri jalai who bhi nahin jali,teesri jalai to wo jal gayi, 

santa ne use jaldi se bujha diya aur aur bola, 

"Ye to kaam ki nikali ise baad mein kaam lene ke liye rakh leta hu"

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Santa In Maysore

Santa Maisur palace ghoomne gaya. Tourist guide use bola, 
Sir is kursi per mat baithiye, ye kursi Tipu sultan ki hai"
 Santa bholepan se bola, "Are yaar tum chinta mat karo,wo aaega to main uth Jaunga"

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Santa's Hoshiyari

Santa ko ek bar banta ne khane per bulaya.
Santa jab banta ke ghar aaya to ghar per lock laga tha aur likha tha
"dekha kaise ullu banaya"
Santa ne hoshiyari dikhai aur neeche likh diya
"Main to aaya hi nahin tha"

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