Fresh Jokes

Teacher - " Can anybody give an example of coincidence?"
Student - "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day, same time."

Santa - "I got married, because i was tired of cooking and washing clothes"
Banta - "But , i got divorce for the same reason"

Mulla Nasrudin went to a church with his illiterate wife.
There was a small board on the door.
"What is written on the board?" -
asked the wife of Mulla Nasruddin.
"THIS IS THE HOUSE OF GOD - THIS IS THE GATE OF HEAVEN” -
Mulla replied and tried to open the door , but found it locked.
He turned to his wife and said -
"In other words they have written - GO TO HELL!!!".

A horse walks into a bar, he sits down and the bartender asks him, "Why the long face?" The second horse walks in with jumper cables attached to it's head, he sits down, and the bartender says, "I don't mind the long face, but don't u go and try to start anything!"

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Teacher Student Jokes-7

Teacher: Where does God live? 
Little boy: I think he lives in our bathroom. 
Teacher: Why do you say that? 
Little boy: Well, every morning my daddy bangs on the door and says, 'God, are you still in there?'  

Teacher: "Anoop, stop showing off. Do you think you are the teacher of this class?"
Anoop: "No, Miss."
Teacher: "Then stop acting like a fool!"  

A student to his teacher: “ I haven’t got no pencil.” 
Teacher, correcting him: “ You don’t have any pencil.
He doesn’t have any pencils. We don’t have any pencils.”
Student, with a look of astonishment: “Where have all the pencils gone?” 

Teacher to girl: “Why are you late?”
Girl: “I started late from home”.
Teacher: “Why didn’t you start early?”
Girl: “By the time I woke up, it was too late to start early” 

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Teacher Student Jokes-6

Ben got 100 out of 100 in the exam. So the teacher gave him a gift and said, 
I hope you will do the same in the next exam.' 
Ben: Thank you Sir. I hope you will also print the question paper from my uncle’s printing shop next time.  

Teacher: Tom! I know you are bad at spelling. That’s why I told you to write down this sentence 10 times. Why did you write only 4 times? 
Tom: Sir, I am bad at math too.  

Maths mis: A=B, B=C, So A=C. 
Prove this method with example. 
Student: Mis, I love u. U love ur daughter. So i love ur daughter, 
Thats all mis  

Teacher:Ramu,get up.How can you sleep in my class? 
Ramu:I can teacher,if you keep your voice down.  

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Teacher Student Jokes-5

Ramu: Dad, can you write in the dark?
Father: I think so. What do you want me to write?
Ramu: Your name on this report card. 

After answering correct, the teacher said, 'Smith, tell me an important incident which never happened before within ten years'. 
Smith: I answered correct today.  

Teacher: Suppose, you have offered money and knowledge. You have to take one of them. Which one you should choose? 
Student: Money. 
Teacher: I would have taken knowledge. But why do you take money? 
Student: I have the lack of money that’s why. You have the lack of knowledge. That’s why 

Teacher: Sir, why doctors wear a mask when they do an operation? 
Student: For safety. If the patient dies, others can’t find out who did the operation.  

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Teacher Student Jokes-4

The maths teacher asked Little Billy "If you have £20 and I ask you for £10 as a 

loan, how many pounds would you still have?". 

"Twenty" came the reply. 
"How so?" enquired the teacher. 

"Just because you ask me to loan you £10, it doesn't mean I am going to". 

Teacher: "Ramu, you talk a lot !"
Ramu: "It's a family tradition".
Teacher: "What do you mean?"
Ramu: "Sir, my grandpa was a street hawker, my father is a teacher".
Teacher: "What about your mother?"
Ramu: "She's a woman". 

Ramu: "How should I convey the news to my father that I've failed?"
Shamu: "You just send a telegram: Result declared, past year's performance repeated". 

Teacher: If your father and mother both give you 50$, what you will get? 
Student: A new video game.  

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Teacher Student Jokes-3

Teacher : "Which is more important to us, the sun or the moon?"
Pupil : "The moon".
Teacher : "Why?"
Pupil : "The moon gives us light at night when we need it but the sun gives us light only in the day time when we don't need it". 

A teacher asked student, What is the full form of Maths?
The student answered, 'Mentaly Affected Teachers Harrasing Students' 

Teacher : "What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?"
Pupil : "A teacher". 

The teacher asked, 'Give me an example of Coincidence?'
Student replied, My mom and dad got married on the same date. 

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Teacher Student Jokes-2

FATHER: I think so. What do you want me to write?
SYLVIA: Your name on this report card.  

Teacher: "what's the further away, America or the Moon?"
Student: "America!"
Teacher: "America? Whatever gave you that idea?"
Student: "Simple, We can always see the moon from the india, but not america!" 

TEACHER: In this box, I have a 10-foot snake. 
SAMMY : You can't fool me, Teacher... snakes don't have feet.  

Teacher :What happened in 1809?
Student: Abraham Lincoln was born.
Teacher :What happened in 1819?
Student: Abraham Lincoln was ten years old. 

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Teacher Student Jokes-1

Teacher: "I killed a person" convert this sentence into future tense.
Student: The future tense is "u will go to jail". 

TEACHER: What is the chemical formula for water? 
SARAH : "HIJKLMNO"!! 
TEACHER: What are you talking about? 
SARAH : Yesterday you said it's H to O 

Teacher: Did your father help you with your homework?
Student: No, he did it all by himself. 

TEACHER: George, go to the map and find North America. 
GEORGE : Here it is! 
TEACHER: Correct. Now, class, who discovered America?
CLASS : George!  

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Popular Jokes-5

Santa: I got married because I was tired of cooking, cleaning home and washing clothes.
Banta: Amazing, I got divorce for the same reason.

A man was on a beach when he discovered an old lamp in the sand. He rubbed it and a genie popped out. The genie said "I will grant you three wishes. The only condition is that you cannot wish for more wishes." "Alright," said the man, "I wish for more genies."

Manmohan Singh: We are sending Indians to the moon next year!
Bush: Wow! How many?
Manamohan Singh: 7 OBC, 5 SC, 8 ST, 3 Handicapped, 2 Sports Persons, 3 Terrorist Affected, 3 Kashmiri Migrants, 2 MPs & 1 Astronaut

TEACHER : What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
PAPPU: A teacher

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Popular Jokes-4

Santa : I tried your number so many times, it always said ‘Switched Off’!
Banta : Nahi Pape, it’s my HELLO TUNE!

Mallika arrived at a Railway Station for a shooting.
Bhikhari: Behanji 1 rupiya dedo.
Malika gave him 1000 Rs.
Secretary: Why u gave him 1000 Rs..?
Malika: Pehli bar kisine behan kaha!

The lecturer is taking the class seriously.
One of the student looking towards the window side in the class room. The lecturer asks the student. For what purpose are you coming school?
Student: For vidhya sir!
Lecturer: Then why you are looking towards window?
Student: Vidhya’s(Girl friend) not reached the school yet now.

Laloo was filling up application form for a job.
He was not sure what to be filled in column
“Salary Expected”.
After much thought he wrote: YES Expected!

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Popular Jokes-3

Taxi driver: Mam, u r the 3rd pregnant lady whom I’m dropping to
Airport today
Lady: But I’m not pregnant
Driver: But we hvn’t reached airport yet

A man went to his doctor with an unusual problem. “Doctor,” the man began, “I have a strange problem that I’m hoping that you can help me with. Whenever I drink coffee, I experience a sharp, excruciating pain.”
The doctor replied, “Try to remember to remove the spoon from the cup before you drink.”

Mohan: Ladkiya sharab se itni nafrat kyun karti hai?
Sohan: Kyun ki isko pine ke baad unke chue jaise pati shero jaise bartab karne lagte hai!!!

Sardar had twins. He named them Tin and Martin.
Again had twins and named them Peter and Repeater.
Again twins and named them Max and Climax.
Again the same. Disgusted Sardar named them Tired & Retired.

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Popular Jokes-2

During Marriage ceremony why is the bridegroom is made to sit on the horse?
He is given his last chance to run away.

There was once a guy from a village he came for kaun banega crorepati contest .amitabh asks him whats ur fathers name he said thik hai
big b asks him this question thrice atlast he gets angry n tells him main kabse aapka pitha ka naam poch raha hoon aur aap thik hai bol rahe hai
then the other man says pahele options to deejiye

An old man walking along the river bank suddenly spotted a boy drowning in the river. The man started shouting "HELP! HELP! I can't swim", a man passing by the road shouted back "Will you ever grow up! I also can't ride a bicycle but you'll never hear me yelling about it in the street"

A man wakes up in a hospital bed after a terrible accident and cries – “DOC, DOC… I can’t feel my legs, I can’t feel my legs!!!
“Well of course you can’t silly!”, replies the Doc… “I’ve cut off both of your arms.”

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Popular Jokes-1

Teacher: What is common between Buddha , Jesus , Mahavir and Guru Nanak?
Student: All of them were born on Punjab Government Holidays!

KAASHHH 
Dil Me Agar "CPU" Hota To ? - Sabhi Yaadon Ko Save Kar Sakte, 
Dimaag Me Agar "PRINTER" Hota To ?- Khayaalo Ka "PRINT OUT" Nikal Dete, 
Dharkan Me Agar "PEN DRIVE" Hoti To?- Zindagi Ka Backup Le Lete , 
Mann Me Jo "BLUETOOTH" Hota To ?- Baaton Ko Transfer Kar Lete, 
Ankhon Me Jo "WEBCAM" Hota To ?- Tasviron Ko Receive Kar Sakte, 
Kaash Zindagi Bhi Ek "COMPUTER" Hoti ?- ToH Restart Kar Lete.. 

Teacher : Pappu, your composition on “My Dog” is exactly the same as your brother’s. Did you copy his?
Pappu : No, teacher, it’s the same dog… we both wrote on!!!

“Why do you take baths in milk?”
“I can’t find a cow tall enough for a shower.”

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Funny SMS

A Girl Checks Her Weight = 58kg .Removes Sandal = 56.Then Dupatta = 52Now Coins Finished...........A Boy In A Q Behind HerSaidÜ Carry On"",I Have Coins!

Smart Man + Smart Woman = RomanceSmart Man + Dumb Woman = AffairDumb Man + Smart Woman = MarriageDumb Man + Dumb Woman = Pregnancy

If u r stressed, you'll get pimples..
if u cry,u'll get wrinkles..
So, y don't u smile & get dimples?

I have lots of jokes in my inbox,But I can’t send you all of them,It will take a lot of time,So I’m sending you just 1 joke...“You are so beautiful”

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New Jocks

G!RLS & MATHS r The Two Most
Complicated Things In The World
.
But . .
.
MATHS, .
.
.
.
.
.

Atleast, Has Logic.....}

What is the difference between falling
from 10th floor and 2nd floor..?
.
.
.
.
From 10th floor..
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA?
AAAAAA dhup.!!
.
.
From 2nd floor.. Dhup..AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA?
A!

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