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Old Age Jokes




A reporter was interviewing a 104 year-old woman: “And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?” the reporter asked.She simply replied, “No peer pressure.”


Two old men in a retirement village were sitting in the reading room and one said to the other, ''How do you really feel? I mean, you're 72 years old, how do you honestly feel?''
''Honestly, I feel like a new born baby. I've got no hair, no teeth, and I just wet myself.''


A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money. The old guy fingered his worsted wool vest and said, “well, son, it was 1932. The depth of the great depression. I was down to my last nickel.”
“I invested that nickel in an apple. I spent the entire day polishing the apple and, at the end of the day, i sold the apple for ten cents.”
“The next morning, I invested those ten cents in two apples. I spent the entire day polishing them and sold them at 5:00 pm for 20 cents. I continued this system for a month, by the end of which I’d accumulated a fortune of $1.37.”
“Then my wife’s father died and left us two million dollars.”


Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were playing golf one fine March day.
One remarked to the other, ‘Windy, isn’t it?‘ No, ‘the second man replied, ‘it’sThursday.’ The third man chimed in, ‘So am I. Let’s have a beer.’


What's the best thing about turning 65? No more calls from insurance salesmen.



Q: Why did the old lady put wheels on her rocking chair?
A: She wanted to rock and roll


Seems an elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years.He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%. The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, "Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again."To which the gentleman said, "Oh, I havent told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. Ive changed my will three times!"


Perhaps you know why women over fifty dont have babies.They would put them down somewhere and forget where they left them.


How old is your Grandma? I dunno, but weve had him a long time.


How can you tell that youre getting old? You go to an antique auction and three people bid on you!


Three old ladies met on the street on a very stormy day. The wind was so strong and loud that they had difficulty in hearing each other. “It’s windy,” said one. “No, it’s Thursday,” said the next. “So am I,” said the third. “Let’s go and have a drink!”


An old man visits his doctor and after thorough examination the doctor tells him: “I have good news and bad news, what would you like to hear first?”Patient: “Well, give me the bad news first.”Doctor: “You have cancer, I estimate that you have about two years left.”Patient: “OH NO! That’s awefull! In two years my life will be over! What kind of good news could you probably tell me, after this???”Doctor: “You also have Alzheimer’s. In about three months you are going to forget everything I told you.”


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