Just Joking

A man went to a pet shop to purchase a parrot. When he entered the pet shop, he noticed that there are three identical parrots and so he asked the store owner about the cost of those parrots. The store owner pointed the first parrot and said that its worth is $500. The man then asked why it is so expensive. The owner said that the parrot can do a lot of things, especially operating the computer.

The man pointed the second parrot and the shop owner told him that the second parrot costs $1000. The man was deeply surprised and asked for explanation why it is very expensive. The owner said that the second parrot can do all the things that the first parrot can. Aside from that, it also knows how to use the UNIX operating system.

The man pointed out to the last parrot and he cannot believe that the cost of the third parrot is $2000. The man then asked the owner, “What can it do?” The shop owner replied and said “well I never seen that parrot doing a thing, but the two parrots call him boss!”

Sam walks into his boss’s office. “Sir, I’ll be straight with you, I know the economy isn’t great, but I have over three companies after me, and I would like to respectfully ask for a raise.” After a few minutes of haggling the boss finally agrees to a 5% raise, and Sam happily gets up to leave. ”By the way”, asks the boss as Sam is getting up, “which three companies are after you?” “The electric company, water company, and phone company”, Sam replied.

Boss: Why did you leave the job?

Applicant: Illness

Boss: What was the trouble?

Applicant: My boss was sick of me!

A salesman dropped in to see a business customer. Not a soul was in the office except a big dog emptying wastebaskets. The salesman stared at the animal, wondering if his imagination could be playing tricks on him.

The dog looked up and said, "Don't be surprised. This is just part of my job." "Incredible!" exclaimed the man. "I can't believe it! Does your boss know what a prize he has in you? An animal that can talk!"

"Please don't!" said the dog. "If he finds out I can talk, he'll make me answer the phone, too!"

Prayer of an Employee:

“Dear God,

Give me the wisdom to understand my boss,

Give me the love to forgive him,

Give me the patience to understand his deeds

But dearest God, don't give me power because if you give me power,

I will break his head”

Woman: I can make the boss give me the day off.

Man: And how would you do that?

Woman: “Just wait and see.” She then hangs upside-down from the ceiling.

Boss comes in: What are you doing?

Woman: I’m a light bulb.

Boss: You’ve been working so much that you’ve gone crazy. I think you need to take the day off.

The man starts to follow her and the boss says: Where are you going?

The man says: I’m going home, too. I can’t work in the dark.

Smart boss + smart employee = profit

Smart boss + dumb employee = production

Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion

Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime

Arguing with your boss is like wrestling with a donkey in the mud. After sometime you will realize that you are getting dirty and the donkey is enjoying it.

Boss: Hey Tina (secretary), are you free on Sunday evening?

Tina: Yes absolutely!

Boss: Good, then come early to office on Monday morning!”

Bernice had been employed at the same office for over 50 years and was the boss’s top secretary. Everyone was jealous of her. Every day when Bernice showed up for work she would open the drawer to her left, peek inside, and then lock it. When she finally died, her coworker Sandy, who was dying of curiosity, made it her mission to figure out what was in that drawer. After days of searching she finally found the key. Sweating with excitement she slowly opened up the drawer. Inside was a folded piece of paper. Slowly she reached inside and took it out, while cautiously looking over her shoulder. After a few seconds of trepidation she opened it up. It said the following “Put only one spoonful of sugar in the boss’s coffee.”

A man enters the office and meets his boss. His boss noticed that his ears were all bandaged up and so his boss asked him, “What happened to your ears?” The man replied, I was actually ironing my clothes when the phone suddenly rang. The sad thing is that I used the iron in answering instead of the telephone. The boss said, “What about the other ear? “ The man replied, “Well I have to call the doctor.”

Today’s Parenting Tip: Treat a difficult child the way you would your boss at work. Praise his achievements, ignore his tantrums and resist the urge to sit him down and explain to him how his brain is not yet fully developed.

Boss (angrily): Have you ever seen a fool?

Employee (looking down): No Sir.

Boss: Why are you looking down? Look at me.

After returning from lunch and being in a lighter mood, Boss (to employees): Guys, today I will tell you some jokes! After a few jokes, all employees burst into laughter, except one girl.Boss: What happened? Why are you not laughing?

Girl: Sir, I am resigning tomorrow.”