Animal Jokes

Tina : My dog doesn't have a nose.

Natasa: How does your dog smell?

Tina : Awful!

A blind man was waiting to cross the road when his guide dog peed on his leg. He reached into his pocket and took out a biscuit for the dog.

A passer by who’d seen everything remarked: “That’s very tolerant of you after what he just did.”

“Not really,” came the reply. “I’m just finding out where his mouth is, so I can kick him.”

Q: What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?

A: Take the words out of his mouth!

Two campers are walking through the woods when a huge brown bear suddenly appears in the clearing about 50 feet in front of them.

The bear sees the campers and begins to head toward them.

The first guys drops his backpack, digs out a pair of sneakers, and frantically begins to put them on. The second guys says, “What are you doing? Sneakers won’t help you outrun that bear.”

“I don’t need to outrun the bear,” the first guy says. “I just need to outrun you.”

The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

Guest : Why does your dog sit there and watch me eat? Hotel Host: "I can't imagine, unless it's because you have the plate he usually eats from."

A snail entered a police station and told an officer, "I just got mugged by two turtles. They beat me up and took all my money!" The officer replied, "Why that's terrible. Did you get a good look at them?" "No sir, it all happened so fast!"

Man to trainer: "Every time a bell rings, my dog goes into the corner." Dog trainer : "That's OK, he is a Boxer."

Q: What do fish take to stay healthy?

A: Vitamin sea.

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