One Line Jokes

When I told the doctor about my loss of memory, he made me pay in advance.

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

I went alone on our honeymoon. My wife had already seen Niagara Falls.

Police were called to a day care where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.

But the psychiatrist really helped me a lot. I would never answer the phone, because I was afraid. Now I answer it whether it rings or not.

If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoys it?

To write with a broken pencil is pointless.

I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.

Old age begins when you start swapping meds with your parents.

Optimists age like wine. Pessimists age like milk.

Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.

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