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One Line Jokes

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

I like work. It fascinates me. I sit and look at it for hours.

Join The Army, visit exotic places, meet strange people, then kill them

Why don't you slip into something more comfortable, like a coma

They say that alcohol kills slowly. So what? Who's in a hurry ?

I'm multi-talented: I can talk and piss you off at the same time

Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergency, notify:" I put "DOCTOR". What's my mother going to do?

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on I said "Implants?"

The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.

We have a quiet home life. I don't speak to her and she doesn't speak to me.

Did you hear about the wife who shot her husband with a bow and arrow because she didn't want to wake the children.

In a democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism, it's your Count that votes.

A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.

If you don't pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.

With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.

Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I'll show you A-flat miner.

When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.

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